AI 11: 2-2-12 St Louis

Eight years ago in 2004 a girl from Checotah Oklahoma set out on a road trip to St. Louis. Carrie Underwood won the crown in season six. Aren't you glad she took that trip? Now a new crop of talent will make the same trip hoping to create the magic all over again. Can they do it? This is St. Louis. This is AMERICAN IDOL!

Cue video montage of a beautiful day in the gateway to the West where a crowd of 10,000 is waiting for their chance of a lifetime.

Let us dish the dirt!

Day 1

Johnny Keyser’s back-story is that he has lived with only his father since he was little. According to his “contestant cam”, his father makes a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich. All I can say is I am there. PBJ equals happy dance for me. Johnny goes with “A Change is Gonna Come” and the man can sing. Johnny shows incredible control over his voice and there was a rich sound. There was definitely a soul vibe going on. Steven was ready to vote; however, Jennifer and Randy start giving feedback and telling him to keep singing. Johnny is no fool and milked every minute of the spotlight. Mr. Keyser is heading to Hollywood and I predict he will make it into the semi-finals.

Cue the video montage of the “best of the worst” over the last 11 years, which starts with the infamous William Hung. This leads us into a silent movie version of current auditions. Excuse me Mr. Producers is it necessary to steal from “The Artist”. Instead of showing us the worst why, don’t you show us more of those singers getting through?

Rachelle Lamb is auditioning for her daughter. Rachelle is going through a divorce and wants to pursue a dream her husband held her back from trying. I got a feeling of déjà vu about this story, oh wait it is because we had this story last night during the Portland auditions with another blond female. Men are pigs get over it. The twist here is that Rachelle brings her daughter into the audition room. Rachelle explains she has chosen a song, which her husband hates, “Find Something New”. Rachelle sounds good and I thought she had a good tone I just do not believe she can stand out, i.e. do we choose Britnee or Rachelle. The judges adore her and she is heading to Hollywood where I predict she will crash and burn.

Cue the next video montage of bad auditions with Oliver McCrary being the only one identified but they were bad and we waste precious moments of time. The clip ends with Jennifer and the judges trying to do some type of Wonder twins’ thing from the Super Friends cartoon. I guess I am old since I remember them.

Reis Kloeckener was bullied after transferring to a public high school from a small Lutheran school. Anti bullying, is one of the major causes I involve myself in because no one should be bullied. The choir teacher hears him singing one day and tells him he should join the choir and the rest is history as his life improves. Thank you “Glee”. Reis goes with “Lean on me” and he has a really strong and controlled voice but there were some weird affectations in his performance. I also thought it was too over rehearsed. I am not sure Reis is American Idol material but if he could loosen up a bit and just sing he could get to the semi-finals. The judges loved him especially Steven since he tells him it was so beautiful it made me tear up. Reis is going to Hollywood.

Ethan Jones played in a band with his dad who apparently found one of the biggest bands in St. Louis but it appears his father has some demons and is currently in drug/alcohol rehabilitation. Ethan chooses “I’ll Be” as his audition song. I thought Ethan’s voice was good but I thought there was did too much shouting and to little singing. Steven says I love the way you sing, Jennifer finds his smile reminds her of someone from a country video and Randy just says you sound nothing like how you look. This matters because. The judges send Ethan to Hollywood.

Day 2

Cue the video montage of contestants as they make their way to St. Louis to chase their dream, which flows, into random contestants telling the judges what they do for a living.

Mark Ingran is a hotel auditor at the audition venue. We see Ryan going with him to find as many of his co-workers that he can. My question is, “Who is providing customer service to the guests when everyone is in the audition room?” All the co-workers tell the judges that Mark sings on the job constantly and they encouraged him to try out. Let us say Mark could not sing his way out of a paper bag because he is tone deaf. Mark’s coworkers say he was great and at that moment the light bulb turns on, these people are nasty and are getting revenge on Mark by telling him he is good. I think I like these people.

Steven tells him he is out of tune and Mark claims he can carry a tune and starts another song, which was worse than the first one. Jennifer hates to reject him but she cannot say yes to his going to Hollywood. Mr. Producer this was just another time wasting audition.

Lauren Grey works in her family’s business, which is a one-stop wedding store. Lauren and her dad are musicians and perform together. Lauren goes with “One and only and she sounds good but was just a tad loud to the point it was almost but not quite shouting. Lauren definitely shows some passion when singing. Jennifer states she has “one of the best female voices” we have heard. She likes the timing of the song. Steven loves how she breaks while Randy loves how fearless she is. Lauren is taking that golden ticket all the way to Hollywood.

We are then suddenly at the end and we learn 45 contestants are heading to Hollywood from St. Louis.

Auditions are over and this can only mean we are heading to Hollywood. Ryan teases us by saying it will be “the most emotional and exhausting Hollywood week ever.” Ronald just shakes his head and laughs.

I will be out of town next week so my comments will arrive late.

Until then…

AI 11 - 2-1-12 Portland

This is our first trip to Oregon and with an eclectic crowd like this; there is no telling who or what we may find. This is Portland. This is AMERICAN Idol!

I must take a moment to express my displeasure with the producers of the show regarding this audition episode. While I loved the aerial shots of Portland and the surrounding areas, why did they choose to use this episode to show case deluded contestants as opposed to showing the good singers? WTF! For those of you who do not live in Portland I must point out the pictures of the crowds in the Rose Garden arena is one location. The room the judges were conducting the auditions was north of that location on the Columbia River. They were in the Red Lion Hotel and through the window, Vancouver Washington was across the river and the green Interstate Bridge is the connector between Oregon and Washington using I-5.

Enough about me it is time to critic the auditions.

Day 1

Brittany Zika or rather “Tripster the Hipster” babbles on about a dream she has of performing with Sara Bareilles as Ronald was nodding off. Steven says as she comes in the room, “I am much too young to feel this damn old.” Brittany chooses “The Story” for her audition and she has a pleasant voice but she was doing freaking weird things with her mouth. While she has a bubbly personality, it does not come across as she performs. The judges seem to like her as Jennifer says her tone is beautiful and Randy loves her hipster look. Brittany quickly takes off her glasses; hat and shakes loose her hair, which causes Randy to say she is showing her edge now. Really? “Should we take a little votey?” I kid you not it came out of the judge’s mouth. Brittany is heading to Hollywood.

Cue a video montage of the strangeness, which is Portland and Ryan, advises things are going better than when they visited the Pacific Northwest in Season 6. Ronald laughs because the visit was to Seattle where the winner Jordan Sparks and runner-up Blake Lewis auditioned.

Ben Purdom begins his “contestant cam” explaining he was not feeling well which means this audition is nothing going to go well. Ben chooses “Born this Way” and he cannot sing. For some incredibly strange reason he gets a chance to sing another song “Super Bass” and this was worse than the first one. Ben goes home without a golden ticket.

We get to see another video montage as Ryan explains we are off to slow start in Portland but now that everyone has had a healthy lunch, we are ready to go.

Jermaine Jones who is 6’ 8.5” comes from a musical family. Jermaine’s mother says the family was born to perform. Jermaine goes with “Superstar” and he has a natural gift. I liked his soft, deep voice, however, I did not enjoy the vocal theatrics and they were not necessary. As long as he works on all the vocal gymnastics, I think he could have a good chance. The judges like him as Jennifer states he has a natural talent. Steven sensed his nerves but could hear the song more than the anxiety. Jennifer tells him to loosen up a little but Jermaine is going to Hollywood.

Day 2

There is time wasting video regarding Jennifer not having black tights. Excuse me but you are sitting behind a table who freaking cares.

Britnee Kellogg is up first as we learn she has two kids. Brittnee cries in front of the judges because the louse of a husband who is a basketball player cheated on her. She helped him through his dream and now she is going after hers. The audition song is “You’re No Good”. I think her voice was pleasant enough but the performance did not blow me away. The judges adore her and she is on her way to Hollywood.

Sam Gershman is next and can I say this performance was a waste of time, she was freaking horrible and all the banter with the judges was just irritating me. Poor Sam left without her golden ticket.

David Weed is up next with “Tom Sawyer” and clearly he should not be singing but we waste time on this clip. After his rejection, he just does not understand because people have been saying for 22 years that he has a great voice and these people just dismiss that. David everyone around you has been lying and enabling you. The judges were spot on.

Romeo Diahn who with his family fled Ghana during the civil war has experienced a lot but since coming to America, he has had a better life. Romeo sings, “Is this love?” and is okay but I had issues with understanding him (enunciation please)! The judges like him although I will give Jennifer some credit when she gives him just a “tiny” yes. There is no way Romeo is getting past Hollywood to the semi-finals.

Naomi Gillies asks Steven if she can sing “Cryin” and she manages a good version but I do not think she is the next American Idol. Naomi also needs to work on the big money notes. The judges adore her with Jennifer stating she loved her tone from the beginning. Randy says that when you have it, you have it. Naomi is heading for Hollywood.

Our baby-faced Benn Harrison from Eugene was just too boastful during his “contestant cam” that I knew this was not going to end well. “Somebody to Love” is his audition song and it was a pile of crap from start to finish. Why are you wasting my time Mr. Producer?

Our final contestant is Jessica Phillips who has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years. Last year D ‘Angelo suffers a stroke. Jessica loves him but it is different now she is the caretaker. Jessica goes with “Again” and does a nice job but it did not make me sit up and want to listen to her. I agree with the judges she deserves her shot in Hollywood.

Our visit to Portland ends and we learn 45 people are heading to Hollywood from the Portland round but we get to see so few, this episode was ridiculous. I am getting more irritated with the audition process but luckily, this ends tomorrow with a visit to St. Louis.

I realize I have not sent out my comments regarding last week’s visit to Texas but I was not home and have not had a chance to watch my recording. I will also not be home for the St. Louis visit. Those commentaries will come over the weekend.

Until next time.

AI 11 - 1-25-12 Aspen

It is time we just got away. This is Colorado and this is AMERICAN IDOL!

Cue the opening montage of the American Idol train hitting the road for Colorado where there is a completely new energy. Aspen is a quiet, peaceful and tranquil place to find the next superstar. Let us get to our meaningful commentary on the contestants performance.

Jenni Shick is an elementary music teacher for kindergarten through sixth grade and she detests “recorders”. I think she was high on something because her energy level was over the top. She is nervous about meeting Steven Tyler because he is so gorgeous (REALLY?) and he is on her list of celebrities she is allowed to kiss without it being considered cheating. Her list also includes Lady Gaga and Adam Levine. Jenni’s boyfriend who could not get off work also has Lady Gaga, Adam Levine and Ryan on his list. Jenni asks Ryan to kiss her on the cheek for her boyfriend and Ryan declines.

Jenni immediately mentions her list to Steven but advises he wants to hear her sing before agreeing to anything. The audition song is “Heartbreaker” and I found her voice freaking annoying. Jenni was loud, there was shallowness to her voice, and as she reached her upper register, the notes were sharp! Jenni is not American Idol material in my estimation; however, the judges were falling over themselves to send her to Hollywood to hear more of what she can do. Ronald can see the crash and burn coming a mile away. It appears Randy is now the conductor as he tells her “You may kiss the judge.” Ronald turns away in disgust but Jenni has to brag about the kiss and Steven’s lips being so soft. Can I vomit now?

Cue the next video montage of time wasting as the “contestant cams” demonstrate how everyone looks, as they have to get up early, dress and then stand in line with 10,000 people waiting for their chance at a golden ticket.

Curtis Gray is 28 so this is his last chance to audition for American Idol before becoming too old at the ripe age of 29. Curtis goes with “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” and does an adequate job. The beginning was a little rocky but as he went along, he gained some control and managed to address the pitch issues. I do not think he has a chance in hell in making it but the judges unanimously send him through to Hollywood.

Cue a video montage of various male singers who receive golden tickets but at least this time we have names to go along with the contestants. Richie Law is the Scotty McCreery this year. Devan Jones appeared to have excellent control for the snippet we hear and finally Mathenne Trego (Where the hell did his parents come up with that name!) went with “Hey Jude” and it was way too affected for my tastes.

Tealana Hedgepeth is our next contestant. What is up with parents and the poor names they stick these kids with? Tealana lives under the shadow of her twin sister who is pursuing a performing arts degree. Tealana wants to be the star and this is her opportunity to shine. Ronald shakes his head because this can only be leading to one conclusion. Wow, I was right this audition sinks faster than the titanic. I was laughing as they show Jennifer whispering to Steven saying, “If you ask her to sing another song I will kill you.” Steven tells her to record herself and listen to what we heard. Tealana is going home without her golden ticket. Cry me a river – NOT!

Haley Smith is 18, lives in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere, and loves nature. She is working three jobs one of which is in the meat department of a store and she is a vegetarian. Who freaking cares? Haley goes with “Tell me something good” as her audition number. She was a bit loud and there was some shouting involved but she did demonstrate some control and there is a unique quality to her voice. The judges on the other hand were kissing themselves about how wonderful she is. Steven states, “I love you voice, it is an honor to be here listening.” (Steven what the hell kind of drugs are you taking.) Randy indicates it was not perfect but I love it and you have a natural gift. The judges send her on to Hollywood. I am not sure I would have said yes but time will tell.

Cue the video montage as morning ends and the judges are returning from lunch except for Steven who we see continuing to stuff his mouth. My question is how does this relate to the auditions?

Alanna Snare works at a bar famous for serving Rocky Mountain oysters which are “bull testes” and this is important to her becoming the next American Idol how? Alanna chooses my absolutely least favorite Dolly Parton song “Jolene” and then completely butchers it. Oh how I hate that song. The song should be forever banned from being used. This audition was pure torture but at least the judges politely send her back to eat more oysters.

Shelby Tweten is 17 years old from Minnesota (she has a very strong accent) and she has the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and has been depressed for a long time. I know several people with this disorder and it can be ugly if you do not take your medication, which Shelby admits to not taking hers consistently. Shelby’s mother indicates that singing helps to calm her doing those manic episodes. Shelby sings “Temporary Home” and the girl can really sing. To borrow words used by the judges for other contestants I thought Shelby has some very raw natural talent and with the right training could take her far. Jennifer has tears were flowing down her face. Randy states she is fearless. Shelby is heading to Hollywood. My concern is the pressures of Hollywood could be her undoing especially if no one is monitoring her medication intake.

Cue the video montage as Colorado hits a rough patch and we witness four very bad singers getting the heave ho!

Jairon Jackson is next and he chooses to go with an original song. This is never a wise move but not withstanding I did not like the song there was a good tone to his voice. Jairon was going flat towards the end though. The judges adore him and he wins a trip to Hollywood.

Angie Zeiderman states, “It is time for a vintage glitter queen on American Idol!” Angie adores Lady Gaga and wants to be her best friend as well as her opening act. Heaven help us all. Angie goes with “When You Got It, Flaunt it” from “The Producers” and I have no clue what she was trying to do with that over the top performance. I can assure you Lady Gaga she is not. I hated the entire thing but not for the reasons Randy was turned off. Randy bitches about the vibrato of Broadway singers while Jennifer defends Broadway (kudos to J Lo). I just did not like the sound of her voice and she was not on key very often. The judges give her another chance and she goes with “Blue Bayou” and once again demonstrates she cannot remain on key. The judges though change their minds and send her on to Hollywood. Nice hearing you Angie but you will not make it through from Hollywood.

Welcome back to Aspen as the video montage is about Party Central in the audition room, which leads to our final contestant of the night, Magic Cyclops (yes you read the name correctly). Why the producers are choosing to end the night with this idiot, I have no clue. Magic tells us he is from Davenport, Iowa yet has a British accent. He had to leave Davenport because of riverboat gambling. Magic has over a 11,000 different air guitars. WTF?

The judges ask him what he is going to sing and he replies this is judge’s choice day. They get to pick between Neil Diamond and “James Buffet” – can we just skip this so I can go to bed? Randy selects Neil Diamond and Magic goes with “Cracklin’ Rose” and murders the melody. For some strange reason Jennifer asks for “Margaritaville” and Ronald asks if he can kill her now. This song is even more butchered then the first. Why are we wasting time on this crazy jerk? Randy cannot take it and excuses himself but then Mr. Cyclops sets off a confetti cannon. Time waster Mr. Producer and I want it back stat!

In the end, 31 singers receive their golden ticket to Hollywood and we see nine. Our next stop is Texas and it appears we are heading to Houston although my guide states Galveston.

AI 11: 1-22-12 San Diego

Somewhere near the Pacific, there are 10,000 hopefuls with a dream. What they do not know is this audition is not like any other. We are on the USS Midway in the heart of San Diego and what better place for the battle for the next superstar. This is AMERICAN IDOL!

Why must Fox ruin my Sunday by scheduling an American Idol audition show? I rush home to see the program to find out a ridiculous stupid football game went into overtime so it will push back all the programming. It forces me to leave the game muted so I would not miss the auditions. I will also have to wait now to see “Once Upon a Time” on-line. The wait had better be worth it and heaven help the producers if they waste too much of my time.

Oh joy I can see how this episode is going to drag on. There is no doubt since we are on an aircraft carrier (REALLY?) that the “Top Gun” references will fill the night. The USS Midway is central command for AI and overseeing it all is the “Rock Star”, the “Dawg”, the “fly girl”, and Ryan. Shoot me now and get it over with stat!

Enough about me let us dish the dirt about the auditions.

Day 1

Our first audition of the day is Jennifer Diley who considers herself a patriot and wants to inspire the crew wearing practically nothing at all. Why or why must we endure her walking up the stairs in slow motion from behind? I just want to scream. This is not going to end well. Steven tells her “it is against the law to be that cute.” Jennifer auditions with “With You” and butchers it badly. Steven tells her that her voice lacks the fire her outfit has. Randy says that if you dress like that you really have to “blow” us away (wink, wink). J Lo says it does not matter what she wore. Jennifer asks to sing again and Randy tells her that if they do not like her she has to go. Jennifer attempts “Hero” and sucks even worse. This audition is a time waster Mr. producer.

Cue the video montage about how wonderful it is to audition on a docking bay of an aircraft carrier where we have to endure plane noises, boat horns, and Steven Tyler cursing (bleep, bleep).

Ashley Robles is 26, a single mom, an insurance account manager, and a DJ who arrives with her five-year-old daughter who steals the show from her mom and plans to be her backup dancer. Ashley auditions with “I Will Always Love You” (the Whitney version). As she began, I was not exactly impressed but when she reached the chorus then her voice soared. She has a very strong voice and nice tone but she needs to stay away from trying to impersonate another singer and find her own voice with the material. Randy wonders where she has been this whole time. Steven predicts that she will be big. Ashley is going to Hollywood.

Jayrah Gibson states he cannot write or sing, he can only sing. I kid you not it was in his “contestant cam”. Jayrah indicates there is no plan b, only plan A to succeed and be the next American Idol. Jayrah starts with a song he wrote for Jennifer called “Shake Your Money Maker” and Ronald just shakes his head. I was not impressed. Then he performs “Just Friends” and he still did not impress me. The tone of his voice irritated me. I would have sent him packing; however, the judges were impressed. Randy notes the show has not had a big R&B star in awhile, Steven thinks he has everything, and Jennifer looks forward to hearing something more melodic. Jayrah is heading to Hollywood.

Cue montage of the morning in San Diego going well with more contestants getting a golden ticket, however, we do not get to hear them perform or know their name.

Aubree Dieckmeyer is here because she wants to be America’s Next Top Model. Really? We waste more time as they keep repeating her interview where she continues to be unable to state she is here to be the next American Idol. Aubree goes with “Feeling Good” and I think she sounds weird; there is just something annoying about her voice, which I am unable to articulate. Her performance skills were non-existent. The judges again were drooling over themselves about how great she was. Jennifer indicates there is a sweet sound to your voice and the way you controlled the runs. Randy indicates you have a natural talent in how you connected the runs but did state she lost power in her upper register. Steven likes the flavor in her voice but agrees with Randy. The judges send her on to Hollywood.

Our final contestant for the day is Ali Shields who is here thanks to Ellen DeGeneres. Ali wrote a song for Ellen who naturally put her on daytime television as well as sending her to the American Music Awards to offer commentary. Ali explains that Ellen made her think anything is possible. I think Ellen is exacting revenge for not being asked to return to judge for a second season. Ali decides to rap instead of sing and Ronald screams in terror. This was the fingernail down the blackboard moment of the night. Ali then sings “Like a Star” and it was marginally better but the poor girl was sharp whenever she tried to push herself. The only thing going for Ali is she has personality to spare and this may help you with performing but you do need to have a modicum of talent in order to succeed. I loved Jennifer stating, “You can sing a little!” The judges still send her through to Hollywood for a reason I cannot fathom.

Day 2

Frat boy Kyle Cruse is our first contestant of the day and he dedicates his song “Angel of Mine” to Jennifer. I will give him credit in that his voice has a nice tone. I also thought he made some interesting choices with the melody but I do not think he is American Idol material. The judges on the other hand indicated it was the best male voice they have heard so far. Kyle gets to take his frat boy partying to Hollywood where Ronald is convinced he will crash and burn!

Cue video montage dealing with the noises and a host of singers who are heading home without a golden ticket.

Jane Carrey is a mom, server and a musician. She is wants to be able to make it on her own versus using her family connections. Jane’s father is Jim Carrey. I was impressed with the way Jane presented herself; she was charming, well spoken and poised. I had to laugh when Jennifer realized who she was and that she was probably only two when her dad was “On Living Color” when Jennifer was a fly girl. Jennifer suddenly feels old, “when did this happen” as she puts her head to the table. Jane performs “Something to talk about” and when she started, it was rather dull but as she gained confidence, she kicked it up a notch and showed some vocal talent. I think she has a pleasant voice but she is definitely not the next American Idol. Randy states she has potential, Steven loves what she did with the melody but needs more volume and Jennifer feels she needs to work on her performing skills; however, they send her through to Hollywood. There was no doubt in my mind that Jane was going to Hollywood; the producers are not stupid since it will make for good television especially if Jim Carrey is in the audience.

Our final contestant of the day is Jason “Wolf” Hamlin who is a mechanic on a golf course. Wolf’s dad built him a guitar 3 years ago and he wants to share it with the world since his dad passed away in 2010. Wolf auditions with “Midnight Special” and it was a bit over the top for my tastes. The judges ask him to perform a different song and he asks if he can play my “git-fiddle?” I kid you not. The judges say yes so Wolf lets loose with “Folsom Prison Blues.” This song really shows off his voice and shows some potential. The judges send him through to Hollywood.

Well our time in San Diego ends with 53 contestants getting a golden ticket while we hear only six. What is wrong with this picture? There is no reason this episode could not have waited until Wednesday. I think this was the most boring audition episode so far. The American Idol bus is heading for Aspen Colorado and I can only hope there are more entertaining contestants in our future.