American Idol Season 7 - Audition Episode 1 - 1/15/08

American Idol is back and all I can say is YEAH!

I was so doing my happy dance before I sat done to watch the shows via tape and overall they were fun shows to watch. We had the train wrecks and there were a few interesting contestants who got the golden ticket, there was the banter between the judges, (I do have to say Paula was unusually lucid and her remarks were for the most part pretty damn spot on), and those ridiculous montages of the really, really bad.

I always find interesting they never do the audition cities in the order they were actually held.
On with my comments about Tuesdays show. I will send my comments about last night's show in a separate e-mail or it will be too long.

Tuesday, January 15th - Philadelphia

According to Ryan, Philadelphia had the largest turnout of all American Idol auditions (I am not sure I would believe that). We had to get the montage to the song, "Philadelphia Freedom". They couldn't be more original although I suppose "The Streets of Philadelphia" might not be as upbeat. I digress.

Our first contestant was Joey Catalano. It was impressive that Joey lost 205 lbs. but I am not sure he was Hollywood material. Joey sang "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. It was okay at least I wasn't cringing. At least he didn't dance for the judges. Joey received an unanimous yes from the judges even after Simon indicated he was nervous about whether or not he's a star. Hollywood here comes Joey!

Next up for our viewing pleasure was "Youka" who has immigrated from Egypt. How special that Youka states the Bee Gees make him feel "so special." What was up with that? We won't even get into how he described the feelings he had for his girlfriend. This audition went on way too long with all the crap about the judges trying to figure out how to pronounce his name. I did laugh out loud when Youka talked about his love for Paula, what a great singer and dancer she was. Simon's eye roll was perfection. How surprising, Youka chose a Bee Gee's song, "How Deep is your Love." Naturally it was terrible and it was song with no feeling. Paula advised him she was impressed with how he phonetically learned the songs. I was impressed Paula could use such a big word. Luckily for all of us it was a unanimous NO!

We then had Melanie whose claim to fame is she was once a backup singer for Taylor Hicks. Melanie chose "Unwritten" and I just did not like it at all but she managed to get a golden ticket to Hollywood.

James Lewis is next. He works as a tour guide in Philadelphia. James naturally feels he will bring something new to the table (Please this is the first sign the person is going to be absolutely horrible)! He compares himself to Eddie Vedder and his outfit, oh my god, PLEASE! James chose "Go Down Moses". Another train wreck and in the worst way. He was trying to sing he a very, very, very deep voice it was surreal. Paula and Randy were laughing very loudly and Simon just had his oh my god what is this look. James offered to sing something else. Luckily it was a no but Randy and Paula did apologize for laughing. Why, he deserved to be laugh at.

We then had some quick auditions, Nick Stano truly murdered "Unchained Melody" in what was a very unusually high, squeaky singing voice. Sybil White was next and I couldn't understand what she was singing at all, it was horribly screechy and Simon had his first outburst in telling someone to shut up! We then had Zhengzhong Yu who was just boring and totally out of tune.

Junot Joyner was next and he sang Elton John's "That's Why They Call it the Blues" and it was actually pretty good. Mr. Joyner also got an unanimous yes from the judges and the golden ticket.

Jose Castenga was up next and say "Unbreak My Heart" and this was good as well and he is also going to Hollywood.

Jonathan Bains who is 17 was next and I forgot to write down what he sang. I liked him and I agreed with the judges sending him to Hollywood.

We then had to suffer through the story of Temptress Browne. The producers know how to milk these types of stories and from the very beginning it was obvious how this was going to turn out. I am starting my rant again about the names parents saddle their kids with. Temptress, please! She is 17 years old and a very large woman. She plays high school football as a linebacker. Temptress is singing for her mother who is there of course, another seriously large woman using oxygen. Naturally Temptress has to pick a song which is not an easy one to sing, she refers to it has "I'm Not Going Nowhere" but is in fact "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going". The poor woman cannot sing, it was off pitch, she didn't have the breath support for the number. It was a total friggin' mess. Of course she gets the big no and Temptress starts crying and wailing that she can't go out to her family without the golden ticket. The judges hug her and indicate they will walk her out. Simon gets to break the news to the family and we have to have the big family moment. Enough of this and let's move on. I don't want to seem heartless but this is one time the producers should have said no and not let her through to the judges but we can't have that, we need the audience crying for the ratings!

Mark Hays is the next victim and how exciting he can make cricket noises, wow what a great thing to be able to put on your resume. I know I am a cynic. Mark auditions with "White Christmas", which is so wrong. Naturally he sucks so he goes home empty handed.

Udi is next and while Ryan says we "need a dose of Udi", I could have done without it. We get to learn that Udi incorporates music into the workplace and once lead a meeting wearing Elvis glasses. How original? I am sure that was an interesting financial meeting. Udi chooses "My Way" and he did it his way all right, badly. He was monotone and totally off key. Simon found it slightly disturbing. No golden ticket for Udi.

We then had the montage of really bad singers trying to perform "I Love Rock and Roll". I am not sure I will be able to listen to that song again without seeing that montage of misfits.

Alexis Cohen, Miss Glitter girl from Allentown. She advises the judges there is a song about her town by Bon Jovi (oh my god, your from there and you don't even know it was by Billy Joel - she should have gotten kicked out for that alone). Alexis fancies herself to be a rocker chick. Her audition song is Pat Benatar's "Somebody to Love". I personally thought it was horrible and luckily she got the no. She initially took the no very well but unfortunately then Alexis left the audition room and was the first contestant they showed cursing Simon, flipping everyone else, then her mother got involved, and Alexis advised us if she could legally moon Simon on camera she would. I didn't know mooning someone on screen was illegal. There are lots of movies they show on regular TV where there is a mooning scene and it isn't cut. Come on don't be such a wimp, if it was too bad they would just blur it out. In addition she has now decided she would go into "actressing". This went on way too long!''

For the last contestant of the first day of Philly auditions before the judges we have Angela Martin. She is a single mom with a daughter who has Rett's syndrome. Another back story to pull at your heart strings. I don't want to seem mean because I can sympathize but I just am not moved by these stories on American Idol. The one bright spot out of this story is that Angela actually has a good voice. Angela auditioned with "Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I totally agree with the judges that her singing for a wedding band has provided her with some terrible habits but with the right training and producer I believe she has a very marketable voice. The judges grant her a yellow ticket to Hollywood.

On day two we start out with Alyse who auditions with "Feelin' Good". Excuse me Alyse but let's tone it down just a bit. We had a screamer here and it was in a really high pitch as well. Another song I like butchered. Oh joy!

We get a couple quick auditions with Teresa and Brandi who also sing loud and very bad as well.
Now we have another moment I could have done without. Milo Turk, age 39, clearly over the age limit of a contestant who we are told begs Ryan to let him perform before the judges and of course we let him you cheesy producers and you know who you are. Milo feels his songs should be heard by the masses. Milo does one of his own songs, "No Sex allowed". I can't even describe how bad this was both musically and lyrical. He offers to sing the second and third verses but the judges advise him they get it and Milo leaves having managed to get his 5 minutes of fame!

Next we have a bright spot in the auditions and look she is from Oregon, you go girl! Kristy Lee Cooke from Selma Oregon. She lives in a log cabin and is part of the great American Family. I have to say Kristy is definitely a pretty woman. She is a kick boxer and cage fighter as well as an accomplished horsewoman. She had to sell one of her horses so she could pay for her chance to audition. Somehow I think it would have been cheaper to go to San Diego then Philadelphia but what do I know. Kristy auditions with "Amazing Grace" and it was amazing, pun intended. Her voice was excellent and I am looking forward to hearing more. Simon likes the country tone of her voice and sincerity, Paula admires her control and tone while Randy liked the idea of the cage fighting. Simon did tell her to find more confidence but Kristy got her yellow ticket to Hollywood.

Ben Harr comes strolling in a black cape and how I could think was we were going to get a chorus of 'I'm A Sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania" the cloak came off but instead we have the Princess Leia, I am Jabba The Hut's slave girl costume. Ben could just not pull off this outfit. Paula can't get past the hairy chest. He offers to get it taken off and she says sure, he can wax his chest hair and come back. What people won't do for their 15 minutes of fame, shameful!

Pedro Rivera is up next and he does some very quiet muttering. Waste of time of course.
Shekhinaha (I don't think it is spelled right but I couldn't take notes fast enough) auditions with "America the Beautiful". I couldn't get past the boa and this was my fingers on the chalkboard moment. Poor Simon, "it's pointless".

We then get a montage of contestants cussing the judges because they just don't understand their talent and how unique they are. We are all unique individuals because it is what makes us, us but not everyone has singing talent and while I sing I know that I suck so I say these people need to get over it and they can get a tape of themselves on TV and live happily ever after.

Paul Marturado is next. This was one unusual audition. Mr. Marturado has written a special song for Paula, I will refer to it as The Stalker Song. It was totally creepy and he definitely looked like a serial killer with that stare of his and Paula encouraged him just a bit too much, they should have had security take him out quite a bit sooner especially with lyrics like breaking into her house and stealing her underwear, "I'm not a talker so I guess I'll just stalk her, if you were a blackboard, he'd chalk her, if she were a tub, he'd caulk her and if she were Columbo, he'd Peter Faulk her and he went on from there. Simon orders him to leave but he wouldn't so he calls the security guards over. If I was Paula I would be getting a restraining order.

We then have Beth Stalker, yes I am not kidding, it was she was next and the producers edited in for obvious reasons. Beth is barely getting in because she is 28. A stay at home mother who sings at night. Beth chose one of my many favorite songs, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered". She sang it pretty well, it wasn't a wow performance but she was in key and had a nice vocal tone. Simon doesn't think she'd stand out but Beth gets a yes from Randy and Paula so she is off to Hollywood.

Oh no, Ben is back and of course we have to see a video of his hair being ripped off his chest like Steve Carrell from "The 40 year old Virgin". Now standing in his Princess Leia slave costume with no chest hair, he begins to sing badly and I didn't write down the song if I even heard the title, he didn't even get more then a couple words out before Simon tells him to leave, it is a no! As he leaves, Paula pops off with "You know that hurt", well no kidding! Simon zings back with "All because that fat lump wants to be on TV." Well DUH!

Chris Watson is next and he wants to be a legend. Chris chooses "Follow Me" and surprisingly he has a good voice, very nice tone. Simon says he looks like a star and has an interesting recording voice. Randy likes his sound as well and advises him to take some chances (until they backfire and he says you should stick to what you do well). Chris gets a golden ticket to Hollywood.
Next we have another montage of rejected contestants and I am glad they didn't show more of those auditions.

What is up with Philadelphia. Christina comes walking in with her Princess Leia (i.e the bun look) and a Star Wars belt. She advises us when she has children their names will be inspired by Star Wars. I realize it was the 30th anniversary of the first film last year but come on. Naturally Christina has to vocalize that men love her. She is unique, America wants something different. Christina's audition song is "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me.". Why oh why oh why. Her voice sucked, it cracked, she was out of pitch, it was pitiful. America needs her, they want a goofball, she is taking back the word "dork". As she is leaving Simon says "Give my love to the wookie.".

Our last contestant from Philadelphia is Brooke White. She is a nanny. Brooke advises us she has never seen an "R" rated movie and all I can say is "poor child". It was her parent's rule and she now makes it her rule as well. Give me a break. She doesn't drink or smoke (sounds like a line I delivered from a play once, I am down with the no drinking and smoking because I don't partake in those either). Brooke chooses "Just Like A Star" and I will give Brooke credit she also has a very nice voice. Randy loves her purity, Simone thinks she is sincere (and that is after an aside about her husband watching R movies and more on his computer) and wants to lure her over to the dark side (now Simon what will your girlfriend think). I am not sure she can win but I agree with the judges chose to award her a golden ticket.

Episode one is over.

Overall I thought the producers did a much better job in balancing the good and the bad. 29 people got golden tickets to Hollywood in Philadelphia and we saw 10 of them which is a better percentage then usual.

You will probably get my blog about Wednesday's episode tomorrow!