AI 9 1-19-10 Chicago

We are setting foot in the jewel of the Mid-West or the Windy City and the contestants simply blew us away with their warm welcome – NOT! This cues montage of would be delusional contestants being “bleeped” as they explain how they have been robbed. I find this a little scary as I see a night full of ridiculous individuals vying for their 15 minutes of fame.

American Idol is working it Chicago Style for the third time, we started in Season 1, returned in Season 5 and now are visiting again for Season 9. Chicago had the largest turn out of any of the auditioning cities with over 12,000 grabbing for their golden idol to Hollywood.

Cue montage about Chicago being the home of the president and footage of his acceptance speech last November. What this has to do with American Idol escapes me, oh, I see, it was a lead up to have footage of everyone shouting, “Yes we can”. This just falls flat and is a waste of time.

Cue video introduction of guest judge Shania Twain who has sold over 65 million albums, won 5 Grammy awards, and was the artist to push the boundary between country and pop. Shania provides too much information explaining if she was one of the contestants today she would just pee her pants and indicates she did that once. Excuse me I could have gone without this bit of information. Yet I still adore Shania!

We then cut to Simon indicating why it is so dark in here and we need to shed some light as he tries to move the curtains back and then we are in the audition room with the lights shining brightly.

I see time waster and so on with the gossip, excuse me, critics of the auditions.

Day 1

Katelyn Epperly (19) is now from a broken home. Come on really, is this pushing the boundaries of what should be a good sob story. Katelyn’s mother explains her husband just left them and it has been hard on them ever since. Katelyn states her parents have always come together to all of her performances but not now. Cry me a river. This opportunity could change their lives. Katelyn you need to do something about your ugly roots and messy hair, it might help. Katelyn goes with “Syrup and Honey”. I was not blown away but over all she had, a nice voice but there was nothing magical, I did not stop everything to listen, it was just blah, not bad but no wow. The judges clearly heard something I did not using terms like “potential”, “unique voice”, “voice of someone who could have a hit song”, etc. I am not buying it but Katelyn receives her golden ticket.

Cue montage of some strange person explaining all the various names Chicago goes by. I should care why this is just useless filler. I want to hear singing Mr. Producer!

Amy Lang (16) or has she is called “Broadway Baby”. Wow more useless filler as we get some ridiculous video of how Amy has a thing for Ryan – WTF! I am so happy to learn Ryan was Amy Lang’s first celebrity sex dream participant – excuse me can we say inappropriate at any age but 16. This is not looking good. Amy chooses “Dr. Feelgood” as her audition song and then promptly faints – just put me out of my freaking misery now. Surprise, Amy was just faking going for a dramatic start and then proceeds with a performance, which is beyond ridiculous. Again more inappropriate discussions with a 16 year old because she “boob boxes”. Do I have to say WTF again? Amy is going home empty handed. Ronald simply breathes a sigh of relief.

Cue another montage about family support of the contestants or as I refer to them annually as enablers!

Charity Vance (16) sings for the customers of her parent’s hair salon, which they run from their home. She really wants this and if she gets it promises to “go crazy” on us. Charity chooses “Summertime” and for me her voice was annoying in sound but will give her credit for being on pitch and adding some vocal enhancements but there is no way I could buy a CD and listen to it because I would go mad. The judges disagree with me saying “impressive”, “unique”, and “great range”. Charity is going to Hollywood and Ronald shakes his head in amazement.

Wow let us cue the next montage of horribly bad singers while using music from the show “Chicago”. This is really irritating me big time.

Ryan advises us we are reaching the end of day one and only four golden tickets have been awarded and there is one contestant remaining.

Angela Martin (28) is trying out for the third time. I remember her from the last two seasons. Angela has the special needs daughter, which she explains Shriners Hospital will be taking care of her daughter to age 21. Last year she had to drop out because of a traffic violation. Angela goes with “Just Fine” and Angela was fantastic. She has excellent control of her voice. Definitely, the best voice I have heard tonight so far. The judges give her a resounding yes.

Cue montage of the other contestants who get a golden ticket but once again no names are assigned to them.

Day 2

We open with another montage about Chicago and the largest number of contestants searching for their big dream.

Curly Newbern (26) sings in a rather high voice, which was clearly the fingernail down the blackboard experience of the evening. Curly leaves even before the judge’s vote!

Alannah Halbert (19) also has a very high voice and for some strange reason the judges try to help her out by getting her to start lower and then build. I suppose having a master class with Shania, Kara, and Randy would be exciting but Alannah simply looks confused and just cannot perform. We are wasting time on this why. It is a no for Alannah.

Our next montage and how artistic to handle it like an old-fashioned silent movie since no one has received a golden ticket yet but now the next contestant will be adding a little color to Chicago – NOT!

Brian Krause was allegedly in the service and all he wanted to do was sing for the troops to inspire them but he ran into trouble with his sergeant. It appears his sergeant was perceptive when it comes to talent. Brian goes with “Tip Toe through the Tulips” and let us just say I had my second fingernail down the blackboard moment multiplied by 1,000! This totally sucked the big one. The whole thing was weird and Brian leaves with no golden ticket.

Cue our next montage while we move full speed ahead because we are pumped up – NOT!

Harold Davis is ready to “fight for the glory”, “shoot off like a rocket” because the champion is here. Harold is tired of eating microwave food and wants steak! Harold is just freaking atrocious and clearly does not have what is needed to survive in this business and he breaks down and cries a river of tears while leaving the judge’s room.

Chantelle Graczkowski totally murders “The First Cut is the Deepest” which causes Kara to reference Shania’s song “That Don’t impress me much”.

Surprise, surprise let us cue the montage of horrible singers with Shania singing in the background. A little more creativity would be nice.

John Park (20) who applies for college focusing on singing/music, which his parents were very upset with him because they want him to get a degree he can get a job with. Give me a break! John goes with “More then you’ll ever know” and Ronald is impressed. I really liked the tone of his voice; he shows control and fantastic pitch. Luckily, John gets the golden ticket he deserves.
Paige Dechusse (21) has severe asthma and she almost died at the age of 15 but because her parents had music playing while she was in a coma, she survived. The family was able to ride to the auditions in a limo supplied by grandma and hopes for a party on the way back. Paige chooses “A Change is Gonna Come”. Paige was the best of the evening so far. She has a great voice and she changed this song up and made it her own. I really liked this performance and look forward to hearing more. Paige gets an enthusiastic yes from all the judges.

Cue quick montage of three men getting to go to Hollywood but there was not enough of the performance to really judge but at least we saw names. They were Justin Ray (20), Keith Semple (27) and Marcus Jones (18).

We must leave Chicago now where a lucky 13 are going to Hollywood to chance their dreams.

I found tonight’s episode to be a nightmare. If there were only thirteen people out of 12,000 who earned a chance to go to Hollywood, why not let us hear all of them.

Orlando is the next audition city.