Tuesday, June 01, 2010

AI 9 5-26-10 What would you do if I sang out of tune - I guess give you the crown

Chicago saw the largest turn out for auditions but only 13 left with a golden ticket including a paint sales clerk and a single mom. Through seven cities, 100,000 dreams, 14 weeks of live performances and over 500,000,000 votes. It all ends tonight. On this critical night what have your votes decided. Will it be Crystal or Lee? This is the finale and this is AMERICAN IDOL!

Less than 2 percent of the votes separate our contestants.

Our top 12 hit the stage with the assistance of Orianthi to perform “School’s Out” which leads to Alice Cooper joining the contestants on stage with a scary zombie choir. The entire performance was just strange and did not sound very good. It is scary they chose to sing a song which is 38 years old. I am not sure this was a powerhouse opening.

Our current American Idol Kris Allen takes the stage to perform his song “The Truth”. Excuse me Mr. Producer what kind of crap is that when you let a performer start but you do not turn off the other microphones. Ryan blabbing over Kris was an embarrassment. Once this error corrected itself Kris sang from his heart. Kris really sold the emotions of this number. It was refreshing to have a performer sing in key and with such perfection. This was beautiful ear candy!

Cue the first video tribute to Mr. Simon Cowell.

Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly perform the opening of “How Deep is Your Love” and it was actually in tune much to my surprise. The remaining Gibb brothers Barry and Robin then join them on stage. The Gibb brothers still have it although they were pushing for the high notes. This entire performance worked for some strange reason. I was cracking up though since they put Aaron in a purple leather shirt.

Michael Lynche takes the stage with “Taking it to the Streets” who is then joined by Michael McDonald. I thought the arrangement was a little too high for Mr. Lynche but these two performers worked well together and were definitely having fun on the stage.

What are the producers thinking? While this is Simon’s last show do we have to get this shoved down our throats every few moments. Dane Cook (a horrible comedian) is next presenting some of Simon’s most famous insults via song. I found this to be ridiculous and definitely not funny. Mr. Producers why not simply put together a video of just those insults. The producers had the nerve to include the presence of the Brittenum twins, Norman Gentle, Mary Roach, Renaldo Lapuz, laughing hyena (aka Tatiana Del Toro) along with Ian Bernardo. Was this necessary, I think not. Color me surprised – NOT – when the whole thing goes awry when Ian (I am a freaking drama queen) Bernardo goes postal on stage and we suddenly have an awkward zoom out to the audience and a cut to a commercial. This was just plain painful to watch.

Our top six women take the stage to perform Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” and “Fighter”. I think the mash ups on Glee are far superior. Lacey, Didi, Paige, and Katie had trouble staying in tune but Siobhan and Crystal came to their rescue and saved the day along with Christina herself.

Christina Aguilera then performs “You Lost Me” and she still commands the stage with both her voice and style. This number was further ear candy for my pleasure.

Ricky Gervais provides yet another painfully unfunny tribute to Simon Cowell’s swan song season.

Lee takes the stage with “I Can’t Go for That” with Andrew Garcia and the rest of the male finalists joining in. This mash up continues with Casey kicking off “Maneater” and then slides into “You Make My Dreams Come True” with Hall & Oates joining in. The contestants were okay but Andrew, Tim, and Aaron were off key for the most part. Daryl Hall and John Oates wiped the floor and left the male contestants in the dust!

Crystal Bowersox and Alanis Morissette have the best mash up of the evening so far with “Ironic” and “You Oughtta Know”. I noticed poor Fox forced them to clean up the lyrics, which is just ridiculous. Regardless of this travesty, the performances were rock solid and I think these two performers recording together would be fabulous.

Fourth season winner Carrie Underwood is up next with “Undo it” and she steals the thunder from everyone. This was sheer ear candy and Carrie demonstrates what it means to be able to sing and perform. Carrie is a shining star reminding us why we endure American Idol. Carrie co-wrote this song with Kara DioGuardi, which is so precious – NOT! Kara my only question is why could not you have written a better coronation song last year?

Kris Allen via video presents our top two with their very own Ford Fiesta just as we see the final Ford commercial of the season. The song “My Wish” was fine but this was a compilation of all the commercials this season. It was like a funeral march.

Casey James takes the stage with “Every Rose has its thorn” when Bret Michaels joins him on stage for a decent duet. Casey you are a fantastic guitarist and this is the career you should push for as a musician not a singer.

Lee DeWyze along with Chicago provides a mash up with “Does anybody really know what time it is”, “If you leave me now”, and “25 or 6 to 4”. This has to be one of the worst performances of the evening. Lee was so out of tune, it hurt and the band was overpowering. This performance was my finger nails down the blackboard moment of the evening.

What is up with the producers and these constant video montage tributes to Simon Cowell? This version was ridiculous. Randy and Simon waking up in bed together – who cares?

Season nine producers sank to a new low of adding filler by giving General Larry Pratt a full freaking performance of “Pants on the Ground” with backup dancers. Are the producers trying to ruin this franchise by also including William Hung? This was just a horrible waste of time and ear pollution too!

My wonderful rambling Paula Abdul takes the stage with style and grace. I thought her tribute to Simon was genuine and clearly she was joyful and having fun being back to say a formal goodbye to the audience and the show. This was the first time where I enjoyed the video tribute. I am not sure all the jokes worked but this is Paula after all.
The tribute to Simon continued with Kelly, Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Jordin, Taylor, and Kris taking the stage along with dozens of other Idol top twelve contestants performing “Together We Are One”. This was a wonderful performance. I hate to admit it but I did get emotional and actually had tears in my eyes.

Ryan forces Simon to come up on to the stage. Simon who was honestly moved by this tribute presented a graceful speech ending with no matter who replaces me, you the audience is the true judge of this show. This was very classy!

Our season nine contestants take the stage to perform “Again” with Janet Jackson joining them. Janet definitely knows how to make an entrance. It is sad that her performance of “Trust in Me” was gut-wrenchingly bad to the bone. The terrible backing track hurt my ears and Janet really could not lip-sync to herself. The entire performance was painful to watch.
On the other hand, when Janet switched to “Nasty” the party began. This number rocked my world and made up for the train wreck, which preceded it.

Time for a montage of Crystal and Lee’s American Idol journey, which ends with Lee and Crystal taking the stage performing “With a little help from my friends”. Ronald fell over laughing as Lee enunciated the opening lyrics with great care “What would you do if I sang out of tune?” as he was singing out of tune. This was my favorite moment of the entire season! Crystal and then Joe Crocker joining in saved this number. Crystal’s voice soared with the melody and worked perfectly with Joe’s more effective growl. This was a spectacular ending to a mediocre evening.

The moment has come as Ryan receives the envelope with the winner’s name. The new American Idol is Lee DeWyze! How freaking wonderful – NOT!

I predicted Lee’s win and America totally gets it wrong. I think Lee is the weakest singer and winner of all nine seasons. I will be ice-skating in hell before I would spend money on any music put out by Lee DeWyze.

Our show ends with our winner singing “Beautiful Day” totally out of key buried in an avalanche of confetti ending the worst season of American Idol ever.

I look forward to seeing Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta on July 21 here in Portland.

I am happy season nine has ended and here is looking forward to a much improved season ten in January 2011.

Until then…

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