AI 9 4-21-10 And now there are six

The results show or should we say “Idol Gives Back” milking every possible way to gain money show was two hours and twenty minutes long just to say good bye to one Idol contestant.

I will not dish the purpose of “Idol Gives Back” but it was a show full of celebrities who make more money than GOD does asking people who have no money to donate. Enough said.

I will though comment about the performances and comic portions of the show.

The top 12 Idol contestant medley sucked big time and why or why did everyone have to be in white – BORING!

The Jonah Hill and Russell Brand portions were not funny, were so unnecessary, and could have shaved much time off the running program. Cutting these bits from the show meant sparing America from having to see and hear “Laughing Hyena” aka Tatiana Del Toro and Octomom! Ronald was just shaking his head.

George Lopez’s skit on judging the judges had some good moments but over all just fell flat.

I adore Wanda Sykes but the material she used was from one of her stand-up concerts so the jokes were old to me and therefore not funny!

The Ford commercial was laughable especially considering the choice of song “We’ve got a Big Mess on Our Hands”. This pretty much sums up season nine!

The Black Eye Peas number was horrible and so off-key I wanted to go screaming from the room. Alicia Keyes sang two songs and both of those were horribly off-key and she definitely was having issues with breath control as well. Just put me out of my misery now.

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone’s performance of “I Put a Spell on You” was fantastic.

Mary J. Blige, Orianthi, Travis Barker, Randy Jackson and a few more I did not recognize did a good cover of “Stairway to Heaven”.

Elton John was in rare form with “Your Song”.

Annie Lennox though won the night giving the most emotional, heartfelt, moving performance with style and grace. I love her. Her performance was via tape from London due to the travel issues from Europe.

I was correct in my prediction of the bottom three of Tim, Casey, and Aaron. Aaron was the first to be sent back to the comfortable sofas with Casey joining him. Tim’s journey came to an end, which was long overdue.

Given the show was running so long poor Tim did not have to sing but had to stand there and watch his “funeral tape” per Wanda Sykes.

Next week Shania Twain will be the mentor and the contestants will be choosing from her songbook. This should be very funny. My only recommendations to the contestants is do not choose “That Don’t Impress Me Much” because you are just asking to go home!

Until next week…

AI 9 4-20-10 Inspiring Mediocrity

Casting your vote changes lives but tonight your vote will save lives by giving back. This is AMERICAN IDOL!

Tonight we have only an hour to fill with seven singers ready to take the stage and inspire us. I am seeing a speeding train heading my way and a wreck of epic proportion and I am truly frightened.

My happy dance came out because there was no inspiring introduction of the judges or Ryan. The producers are crying with so little time to fill trying to figure out what to do.

“The Princess of Soul” Alicia Keys is here to mentor our contestants by helping them bring out the emotions in the songs and showing how they can be part of something that is bigger than they are. WHATEVER!

Let us waste no further time by getting to the heart of the matter, which is slamming the contestants wait I mean providing effective feedback.

Casey James – “Don’t Stop”

Can we start the evening with such an uninspired song choice – what is wrong with this picture? Is there a reality show for the best guitar player because Casey needs to be there? While Casey is an exceptional guitar player, his vocal stylings are not up to par. There is Casey standing on the stage smiling and executing effective karaoke. Casey did not listen to Alicia and remained totally disconnected from the song and the meaning. I did not buy this at all and clearly was not motivated to vote for him.

Randy – This was a good performance (really?) but was not your best. You give us the same thing every week. You need to do something different and special.

Ellen – You are a great guitar player but we need to be tougher now because you need to be great every week and this was not great.

Kara – When you performed “Jealous Guy” you demonstrated range and this was just jamming bammin. You did not show us what makes you different and I am frustrated but I still believe in you.

Simon – This was not inspirational and there was zero emotion. The song sounded like the original, which means there was no originality. The song choice was lazy.

Lee Dewyze – “The Boxer”

There is our mentor forcing Lee to recite the lyrics explaining people need to feel like he is that boxer. Does Lee take her advice? The answer is a resounding no. Lee instead must have been channeling the boxer who has had all his teeth knocked out because all we got was a mouthful of mumbles. Lee’s enunciation sucked the big goose egg and perhaps every fourth or fifth word was understandable. I hated the strange arrangement; Lee could not hit all the notes, and replaced the lyrics with growling. I found this entire performance to be a total mess.

Randy – I am your biggest fan and this season is about artists (really?). You are a great artist ready to make music. You are going to have a big career. (Ronald just shakes his head.)

Ellen – This was a good song choice for you. We were able to see more soul and depth (gag me) and you just get better and better. This was your best performance by far. (Ellen wake up are you nuts.)

Kara – You had your moment tonight. (What is going on?) You showed the difference between connecting to a song and not. You need to keep this up.

Simon – This was the best performance of the night even though we are only two in. This was sincere, emotional and yes inspirational. You made it sound current like it was written last week. That was absolutely brilliant. (I swear I was beginning to lose it big time!)

Tim Urban – “Better Days”

Twenty minutes into the show and I was ready to run screaming from the room. This is a freaking singing competition and this is the best America keeps around. The vocals were uneven, Tim had no breath support, and his pitch problems were astronomical. Yet we had all those screaming females supporting him. What is wrong with this picture? The entire performance was painful to endure.

Randy – This was an interesting choice of song. It was okay karaoke. I am confused.

Ellen – You are like the soup of the day sometimes I like and sometimes I do not. Today I did not like it.

Kara – You have found your lane and it is where you belong but the execution was not good.

Simon – Last week I believed you. You have improved over the weeks but this was a little bit of a letdown.

Aaron Kelly – “I Believe I can fly”

Let me first say I think it is a little creepy a 16 year old is singing a song written by an alleged child molester. This was another ridiculously bad song choice and the execution was just as bad. There were pitch problems and Aaron shouted a lot. The performance was robotic and outright boring. The time is 8:32 p.m. and all I have been inspired to do is vomit!

Randy – This was a weird arrangement. You do have a huge voice and did a good job with a giant song. (Ronald shaking head again.)

Ellen – Back in the 70’s there was a time when I thought I could fly (drug humor with a 16 year old – very smart Ellen). You do have a big voice and this is a tough song, you did a good job.

Kara – Watching this was like watching a plane take off. It starts out in a jerky way but by the end, it makes it. You were flying by the end.

Simon – You have guts and you did give it your all. There is one part of judging where we need to remember that we like you but the other part is if I heard that on the radio, I would turn it off after 10 seconds.

Siobhan Magnus – “When You Believe”

Wow! Siobhan can sing and this performance had impeccable vocals and was technically flawless. There was subtle power and she hit the high note with no belting, screaming or screeching. There are few contestants capable of taking on the divas but Siobhan took on two of the biggest and hit the ball out of the park. This performance was a breath of fresh air after the previous four.

Randy – You picked arguably the hardest song of the night and I am not sure why. It was just okay.

Ellen – I disagree because this is more confirmation of why you are here. (Hear Hear!)

Kara – It was technically sung well but this is not a musical and this was dramatic. (This is a singing competition and therefore singing with technical ability is a reason for praise.)

Simon – I agree with Randy. This was a bad song choice. The leaves distracted me (apparently you need new contacts Simon), the arrangement was old-fashioned and too much happened too quickly. The whole thing was odd and all over the place.

Michael Lynche – “Hero”

“Big Mike” what is up with your song choice? It would have been better to sing the Mariah Carey song with this title but not this one. I was disappointed with this performance as well. I thought the beginning of the song was fantastic but when he reached the bridge it fell apart and he was not able to hit the high notes. I thought his tone was off and he sounded a little nasally as well. I thought this was a total mess.

Randy – I was worried about this song choice because “band songs” are about music rather than vocals but you held your own. You worked it out.

Ellen – We are short on time so all I will say is great job.

Kara – I am sorry Mike but this was not my favorite performance. You do not have the tone for that song and it was all over the place.

Simon – You sang it pretty well but it felt artificial and did not quite jell.

Crystal Bowersox – “People Get Ready”

Ladies and gentlemen we should just hand Crystal the Idol crown now because the woman deserves it as this performance was the standout of the night and put everyone else to shame. This was an unbelievably emotional performance and she sold this number like no other contestant. I loved how she started out a capella before the strings and backup singers joined in. The arrangement was fantastic and she sang from the heart. Crystal cracked at the high note but this just proved how you could connect to a song to make it believable. Ronald was doing his happy dance during this performance!

Randy – I was a fan from day one. Unbelievable and provides a standing ovation.

Ellen – You have never looked more beautiful. You keep growing and getting better and better.

Kara – Thank you for taking a risk by putting the guitar down. You brought this to a new level. You know why they call you Mama sox because you just schooled everyone.

Simon – That was inspirational. I am happy to see you emotional because you have seemed closed down. This song obviously means a lot to you, you sang it fantastically, and it was in a different class from everything else we have heard tonight.

We had an hour to fill and only 14 minutes of music but yet we still went over time. Crystal did not even start singing until 8:55 p.m.

I am not sure what the judge’s were smoking, drinking, taking or the fact they must have a 1000 years worth of wax in their ears but the majority of their comments were so off the mark it was laughable.

I certainly was not inspired to vote for any of the contestants and in fact, I only voted for Crystal, Siobhan, and “Big Mike”.

My prediction for the bottom three if we have one is Casey, Tim and Aaron. As much as Tim and Aaron should have been gone weeks ago I believe Casey’s journey will end tonight.

We have a two hour results show given “Idol Gives Back” and Ryan has warned us the show will go over telling everyone to set their DVR’s accordingly.

I will have to watch “Idol Gives Back” later as I have other commitments but I will check to see who was eliminated and send my full blog later.

I will end with the following:
“I Believe I Can Fly” say “The Boxer” because “When you Believe” you are a “Hero” you “Don’t Stop” as “People Get Ready” for “Better Days”.

AI 9 4-14-10 And now there are 7

Get ready for it! This is AMERICAN IDOL!

The introduction to the results show was EPIC and the video was interesting. The editors who put those videos together have a modicum of talent.

The season nine contestants managed to amass 34 million votes. This was the largest vote tally for the season so far. Who is heading home?

Last night’s group medley has to be the worst of nine seasons. The entire performance was cheesy, dreadful, horrible karaoke, and over the top Vegas cabaret! Their lip-syncing track sucked and I truly laughed when they were singing “Return to Sender.” In my mind, I was asking how much postage, could I contribute for six of you?

The Ford commercial was lame and somehow I was not seeing the connection with the song “Light & Day/Reach for the Sun” which I really like.

We are now 15 minutes into the show and there is an actual elimination. Casey, Aaron and Andrew walk center stage and during the middle of some small talk, Ryan tells Andrew he is going home as his journey is over.

Andrew’s final performance is a reprise of “You Give Me Something” which was very good.

We travel to Africa with Elliot Yamin and Kara DioGuardi to verify the money contributions to “Idol Gives Back” is being put to good use as promised. Why is Elliot not singing tonight? Wow a Brooke White and Elliot Yamin duo now that would have been entertaining.

Brooke White returns to the stage along with Justin Gaston (Miley’s ex boyfriend) to perform “If I Can Dream”. I believe this constitutes an inspirational song, which means they should be on next week. LOL! I do not get this pairing because Brooke sounded fantastic while Justin sucked! I guess the only good news is you can download this song free from iTunes.

We are now 45 minutes into the show and it is time for the final elimination as the remaining contestants walk center stage. Lee is safe along with Crystal and Siobhan. This leaves Tim, Michael and Katie to await their fate until after Adam Lambert takes the stage.

Adam clearly knows how to put on a show opening in a haze of green lasers and giving a stellar performance of “Whataya Want from Me”. This is one of my favorite songs from his album. Adam definitely can sing and the remaining contestants need to heed the call!

Time to send another contestant into oblivion but Tim is safe (America what is wrong with you?) which leaves “Big Mike” and Katie. One of the final two was not actually in the bottom three and one is going home. Katie ends her Idol journey tonight.

Katie sings us out with “Let It Be” which definitely sounded good.

My prediction rate for tonight was only 50 percent but at least “Big Mike” was not in the bottom this week. If “Big Mike” is eliminated before Tim, I am going postal on America!

Next week in anticipation of “Idol Gives Back”, the theme will be inspirational songs with Alicia Keyes stepping in as a mentor. I must ask again, what does inspiration songs have to do with Alicia Keyes.

Until next week…

AI 9 4-13-10 Let Me Entertain You NOT!

Two contestants must fall. The pressure is mounting. Are you ready? This is AMERICAN IDOL!

There is no way to sugar coat my distain for the producers and director of American Idol this season. I do not like negativity and always worry about karma returning the negativity back to me but these producers are idiots. The pacing, the ridiculous filler is a detriment to the actual contestants. Contestants performing during the last 28 minutes of the show were cheated because of the ridiculous digressions during the first hour of the show (Ryan’s mother indeed).

Here are my reasons why the show fell apart last night:
· The announcement of the judges and our host remains unnecessary filler.
· Ryan Seacrest has to be on drugs as it is the only explanation for his “erratic” and “bizarre” behavior. “My tongue is not nearly as talented as yours…!”
· There is no need to interview the guest mentor because there will be plenty of video montages of them during the show.
· I do not give a flying f*^k the “Glee” cast was in the audience. There were enough promo commercials during the 88 minutes. For the statisticians among you there was a total of 10 minutes devoted to commercials for “Glee”. Believe me my irritation is with the time wasting not with “Glee” because watching “Glee” was more important than American Idol.
· Mr. Producer what does Adam Lambert have to do with Elvis Presley. The theme chosen should at least have some marginal connection with the mentor.
· Las Vegas tribute show about Elvis Presley should not be the inspiration for our current crop of contestants. This was a stupid move forcing the infamous “lounge lizard” comparison.
· 13.5 minutes of singing in an 88 minute show. The contestants should have more time, which would lead to a more comprehensive arrangement of the song they choose.
· The judges are either drinking or are stone cold deaf because it is the only explanation for their crazy comments and suggestions. Where is Paula when you need her because at least she was entertaining?
These are but a few of my many irritations with last night in particular but the entire way the producers are directing what Ryan referred to as “being in the machine” of American Idol.
Let us dish the contestant’s performances from tonight’s show.

Crystal Bowersox – “Saved”

I love Crystal because every time she steps on the stage it is like being at her concert. This was an awesome performance. Crystal sang well, showed some personality and clearly was having fun. The energy was fantastic and for the first time neither the backup singers nor the band interfered with her. I thought she was struggling at the beginning with pacing issues but recovered quickly. Overall Crystal rocked the stage. Thank god, Crystal is part of this competition.

Randy – This is the way to come out and start the night. Dude I loved the energy. It was the dope. This could be on a record. I think this was like the second coming of Bonnie Raitt.

Ellen – Fantastic.

Kara – I like the way you switched things up and brought some drama.

Simon – You did not choose an obvious song. You put your own slant on it and you did not fall into the karaoke trap, which I am expecting tonight. It sounded great.

Andrew Garcia – “Hound Dog”

This was a boring performance and I thought Andrew sucked out the soul and meaning of the song with the ridiculous arrangement. The vocals were okay but everything else was not working so who cares.

Randy – This was bad karaoke. I did not like it.

Ellen – I wanted to see more swagger but you pulled it off and I liked it a lot.

Kara – Elvis owned the stage and you did not. The mike was your crutch. There were some places where you made some nice changes to the melody but we needed more swagger.

Simon – This was lazy. It was like parts of a musical no one wants to listen to. There was no star performance. Sorry I did not get it.

Tim Urban – “I Can’t Help Falling In Love”

I did not like this at all. I certainly did not hear what the judges heard and Tim cannot stay on pitch at all. They spent all of that time in the video about hitting the high note but then in the performance Tim does not even try to go for it. Why give a tease if you are not going to follow through? I did enjoy Tim’s guitar playing though. I do not believe Tim connected with the song or sold it either.

Randy – I liked it.

Ellen – Babbles on about drinking tequila, after the first shot you do not like it but after many shots, you do. This is the same with you. I really enjoyed that.

Kara – This is my favorite Tim performance ever. You were authentic, real, you sang from the heart and you made it current. Well done.

Simon – You went from zero to hero in two weeks. I liked the guitar and the clean vocals. You have taken our advice very well.

Lee Dewyze – “A Little Less Conversation”

I enjoyed the vocal portion but not the overall performance. I have to agree with a friend of mine that I would buy and listen to Lee’s CD but would not go and see him in a concert because he has zero performance skills.

Randy – You are in the zone. Amazing. Very good dude.

Ellen – I loved how you made the song current and you show more confidence every week. You just get better and better.

Kara – You went for it tonight as you never have before. I just wish that you had been a little more playful.

Simon – This is about nailing the song and you definitely did that.

Aaron Kelly – “Blue Suede Shoes”

Of all the incredible songs to choose from Aaron picks this one. This was a stupid choice and Aaron could not pull it off. The song was too big for him. Aaron did not connect with the song, which means he could not sell it to the audience. I agree with the judges it was like watching a horrible, horrible school talent show. The ending sharp note was my finger down the chalkboard moment of the evening.

Randy – It started weird but half way through it got better.

Ellen – This is probably the most iconic Elvis song so you get an A for effort but you did not get all the way there.

Kara – I like that you got out of your comfort zone. You pushed yourself to the edge and were more current. I liked it.

Simon – I do not think that song made you current in fact it did the opposite. The arrangement was old-fashioned. This was like a high school concert. You were dressing up for a part.

Siobhan Magnus – Suspicious Minds”

I enjoyed the performance overall and Siobhan knows how to throw in a dramatic arc. The beginning was uneven with the bridge being too slow as if they had to squeeze it into the arrangement so it did not flow but the second half was spectacular. There was not a bum note in the entire performance and the issues between the first and second half lie with the arrangement.

Randy – You took some risks. The slower part is where you came alive and brought the big vocals, which is what I have missed. You can sing.

Ellen – I agree the second half was more fun. Beautiful voice.

Kara – It is as if you have two different voices and it is confusing.

Simon – This felt like it was from 20 years in the future. The first part of the song was terrible and you did not quite hit all the big notes. It was erratic and screechy. This was not one of your best performances.

Michael Lynche – “In the Ghetto”

I love this was a suggestion by Siobhan. The vocals were spot on but I did not like the arrangement and for me there really was no emotion demonstrated. Technically flawless but in the end the overall performance left me cold. Elvis's version is so haunting. He knew how to sell the meaning of the song with inflection and use of certain pauses. I just did not feel this from “Big Mike”.

Randy – I feel like the song was a little sleepy but the vocals were hot.

Ellen – I am glad we saved you.

Kara – The song was beautiful and you sang it well, brilliant.

Simon – It was a billon times better than last week and one of my favorite performances you have given.

Katie Stevens – “Baby, What do you want me to do?”

Color me surprised because I really liked this performance. I think this was Katie’s best vocal performance ever. She sang it well, she had a little attitude, and it was entertaining.

Randy – Nice vocals.

Ellen – This is a very horny song. No, there are many horns in it. Man you can sing.

Kara – You sure showed us judges. Good job.

Simon – I found it loud and annoying. The audience likes you so my opinion does not really matter.

Casey James – “Lawdy Miss Clawdy”

This performance did not thrill me and I certainly do not believe Casey deserved the pimp spot. The vocals were not spot-on and Casey cannot sing and play guitar well at the same time. It is one or the other with him. I was not buying this at all.

Randy – You were in the zone.

Ellen – I love your voice but this was not as exciting as I would have liked.

Kara – We know what you are capable of doing and you fell short.

Simon – This was a wasted opportunity considering the theme but the vocals were good.

I thought overall Adam was a very good mentor because he offered real serious feedback when he thought the contestants were not adequate and provided some excellent suggestions. Once again, though it is sad the contestants did not listen to him.

Elvis may have been a thrilling performer but last night certainly did not provide much entertainment.

I voted for Crystal, Siobhan and “Big Mike” exclusively.

My prediction for the bottom three are Siobhan (the judge’s comments are really hurt her), along with Aaron and Andrew.

I believe Aaron and Andrew will be going home tonight.

Until tomorrow…

AI 9 4-7-10 And there are nine again

One could lose it all tonight. Prepare yourself for a surprise or two. This is AMERICAN IDOL!

I have much to say about last night’s results show but I will wait to let loose the wrath of Ronald.

American Idol producers hear my plea – “All group numbers must be eliminated”. We are looking for an Idol not a group. Given the performers are not singing live but lip-syncing why is the number necessary? Oh yes, we are trying to fill up an hour of airtime. Give it a rest. The numbers are boring, poorly choreographed, and for a singing competition, most are unable to lip sync to themselves. What is wrong with this picture?

The Ford commercial while better than last week was still uninspired with the potential Idols still unable to lip sync.

Time for elimination build up with all the remaining female contestants sent center stage. This moment reminded me of an evening during Season 3 as I sat in a hotel room in Atlanta while Fantasia, Jennifer Hudson and LeToya London ended up in the bottom 3 (i.e. the best singers from that season) with Jennifer going home. I threw such a fit yelling and screaming at the television set while also talking on my cell, hotel speakerphone my neighbors were concerned violence was happening, and hotel security arrived at my door. A most surreal moment and trust me it was happening last night as well.

Luckily, the women are safe tonight which means a male contestant is finally going home.

Jason Derulo is performing tonight. Interesting he is signed with Kara. Is this nepotism? I will give Jason some due he was actually singing live but the performance was over the top and all that fire and crap, give me a break. Wait did I miss something? Is Jason competing now because we are getting critics from the judges? Kara pimps her find saying she is so proud of him because he put this together in four days and he is such a great songwriter singer. Excuse me, running around the stage singing your name does not scream great songwriter to me. Even Simon says it was absolutely great.

David Archuleta is here to reprise “Imagine”. David has improved and this beautiful haunting version of the song put Jason and even Rhianna to shame. Wow what a novel concept having a performer who sings both flawlessly and live. I will forgive the pimping of the new songs because David can really sing.

We now have more elimination drama and the remaining contestants are broken out into two groups. The groups are Casey, Lee, Tim and “Big Mike”, Aaron, and Andrew. Shocking surprise indeed given our bottom three are “Big Mike”, Aaron and Andrew. Who will be going home?

The announcement will wait because it is time for Rhianna to take the stage in order to promote her upcoming tour. First of all what was she wearing and second is she even singing because with all that echoing all I heard was nothing! I am giving Rhianna the big thumbs down for this performance.

We are finally ready to eliminate a contestant. Aaron is safe and finally Andrew returning to the comfortable seats leaving “Big Mike” up for elimination. WTF?

“Big Mike” has to sing for his life and he freaking delivers an unrestrained performance of “This Woman’s Work” and nails it better than when he originally performed the number. “Big Mike” deserves to be in this competition because he can sing for heaven sakes.

Will the judges use their one and only save? Simon tells Mike they all wish he had done something like that yesterday otherwise he would not be in this position. We only have one save and the decision is unanimous we will see you next week. Ronald finally breathes.

“Big Mike” returns to the competition but the downside is there are no more saves and two contestants go home next week.

America seriously you are freaking whacked. Do you have wax in your ears? You are voting for cute and smiley over awesome talent – that is just crazy! I can understand popularity playing a part but when you have to listen to someone’s music, it is very important the music is excellent. The 9.5 earthquake last night centering in Portland Oregon was because Ronald was jumping up and down screaming at the television and using just about every combination of swear words at his arsenal. Did everyone dial the wrong number because it can be the only reason for such a travesty of a result? Get it together before next week or a certain someone may go postal on your asses!

Next week Adam Lambert takes the stage as mentor for a special theme week and the producers have only 90 minutes to fill thankfully so the show should move quickly. Glee returns as well. It does not get any better than that.

Until next week…

P.S. How many of you are going to be rushing out to bid on donated clothes from Simon? Just wondering.

AI 9 4-6-10 Snooze Fest Central

This is the top nine of season nine and this is AMERICAN IDOL!

Wow, I am so excited to see all the filler during the broadcast show – NOT! I am not enjoying the completely ramped up vibe of a reality show with all the instant video of the contestants as they leave the stage or the entire backstage goings on. Give me a break “Central Nervous System” of our show indeed! I do not give a flying f*^k about any of this crap. I want to hear amazing vocals.

The producers had to throw in the big announcement of the judges again and Ryan you should not be walking down those stairs, give it a rest!

We have two hours of airtime to fill and only 13.5 minutes of singing no wonder I am bored.

Given there was no mentor tonight we get video introductions of what the other contestants feel about each other. Please you are in this to win but no one ripped anyone apart. I just do not believe they were being honest. Once again I do not care if they snore, smile, act like Yoda, can do the “single ladies” dance, will only say yes to going to the prom for the person who can prove they voted for me the most or whatever other lame blah, blah came out. All I want to know is can you sing and if so prove it to me.

There is Paul McCartney via video telling the contestants he knows they can do it. WTF! Paul if you were there perhaps you would have provided some entertainment because last night’s program was boring with a capital B.

Enough of my incessant bitching and we will move on to the heart of the matter which is dishing the dirt about the performances.

Aaron Kelly – “The Long and Winding Road”

When I heard this song choice, I was laughing because I graduated from high school 33 years ago and this was our class song. Aaron is 16, it just points out how old these songs are, and of all the Beatle’s, McCartney, and Lennon songs out there, he chooses this one. I guess I can be happy he did not choose “When I’m 64”!

Last week Aaron got the pimp spot and this week he is first. This is a big song and to make it work you need to have passion and to sing it with power and conviction. Aaron was not up to the job. This entire performance was dull and Aaron did not have the breath support required to reach those high notes. Aaron pushed too hard for the belting. The coaches should explain if you breathe, you would have the power to reach the glory note. I thought the ending of the song was horrid; those notes were so sharp he could have stabbed someone with them.

Randy – The thing I like about it is you have a great voice there is a nice tone. I did not like the arrangement. It was too sleepy. This is a song, which should have been changed up. I think you should have tried a country version.

Ellen – I think you are fantastic but it was a big song. It was a long and winding song but I did not like the performance.

Kara – In order to deliver that song you need to be great and you have not reached that level. Some parts were good but some parts were not. I feel like you are doing the same thing every week. If you are here next week, I want to see you do something up-tempo.

Simon – It was very old-fashioned and very boring. I agree with Kara about doing the same thing every week. You need to take a risk. I want to see you young and relevant.

Katie Stevens – “Let It Be”

Katie looked very good which was an improvement over previous weeks. The outfit and accessories were age appropriate and not overpowering. I will also give Katie some props because with only a few hiccups this was her best vocal performance of the season so far. Yet the entire performance was boring. I am not a child who needs a lullaby. Let us have some fun Katie.

Randy – This was your best performance ever and reaffirms why you are in the top nine. Dude these were hot vocals.

Ellen – This was the perfect example of changing a song to make it your own without disrespecting the song.

Kara – You do not make excuses even after being in the bottom three. You blossom each week. It was a great vocal you had attitude and confidence. You looked better and sounded better. I am proud of you.

Simon – If you are in the bottom three consistently, you are doing something wrong. Tonight you got it right. I will take some credit for this because you went a little country tonight. It felt like you were singing about someone rather than being robotic and that made a big difference.

Andrew Garcia – “Can’t Buy Me Love”

This performance was just stupid. It was hokey karaoke.

Randy – I am not jumping up and down about the performance. The arrangement was interesting. It sounded okay but it was corny.

Ellen – Money can buy you love. I thought this was the perfect song choice for you and I loved it.

Kara – I want to love this performance but I want to see more from you. The breakdown was hot.

Simon – This was like a wedding performance. I think I know what you were trying to do and meaning no disrespect but the band overpowered the arrangement and you, which made it old-fashioned and irrelevant. You and the band got it wrong tonight.

Michael Lynch – “Eleanor Rigby”

The vocals were okay. “Big Mike” kept his eyes closed for the majority of the performance, which made it hard for him to sell the message of the song. In addition, the arrangement was somewhat strange. This is a song about loneliness, longing yet the arrangement was up-tempo, and “Big Mike” was just a little over the top, which was distracting from the message of the song.

Randy – I am happy but not all of it worked. You have gotten to the point in the show where you have the license to do what you want. That could be a single on the radio.

Ellen – You can do anything. You show different sides of yourself through choosing very different songs and you handle them equally well. Incredible, I loved it.

Kara – I thought that was fire. The vocals were amazing. I loved the drama as you kept building things up. You made the song commercial and relevant.

Simon – I did not love this as much as the others did because it reminded me of something from a musical (which I do not like). This made you take a step backwards rather than sound contemporary. It was too over-the-top. I am now confused about what kind of artist you want to be.

Crystal Bowersox – “Come Together”

I love this song and I adore Crystal. Crystal did an amazing job. It was not the perfect performance but the woman could sing the phone book and I would be listening with rapt attention. I love the quality and sound of her voice. On the other hand, the didgeridoo (I had to Google to get the correct spelling) was just plain stupid and personally distracted from what Crystal was trying to do with the song.
Randy – This was another solid performance but not your best. I did like how you started slowly and built up to the big notes. You found your groove at the end. The didgeridoo was distracting but you won me over. You are in the zone.

Ellen – I loved the didgeridoo. My only concern is coming up with a new way to tell you how great you are. You made it current and it could be on your album.

Kara – This was one of my favorite performances of yours. You gave it a Bonnie Raitt feel and took the melody to a place I would not have expected. You are sometimes too serious but tonight you were playful, sexy, smiling and felt more accessible.

Simon – I could hear this song on the radio. I found it interesting you said you wanted to stay true to yourself and that is what makes it work.

Tim Urban – “All My Lovin’”

Why is Tim here? Oh yes you are cute and all the tween girls and grandmothers are voting for you. I simply shook my head during the entire performance. I will give Tim some credit as the vocals were good but at this stage good simply is not enough. Compared to prior performances I was not going screaming from the room but there was nothing special, exciting, or to make me download the song to listen to it repeatedly. Just put me out of my misery now America.

Randy – You need your own category and so this was a good Tim performance.

Ellen – This was the perfect song choice for you and your second best performance.

Kara – I always thought that your best performances were the ones where you played the guitar and you stayed true to that tonight. I appreciate that you take in our criticisms, which cannot be easy since we have not been nice to you.

Simon – It is not fair to judge you based on your own performances but you need to be judged against everyone else. Considering everything, you did well tonight. You did not bring any gimmicks or try to over sing. You chose a song that suits your voice and that sounds current. I like that you take criticism like a man.

Casey James – “Jealous Guy”

Casey is an awesome guitar player but his vocals are spotty at best. Once again, the acoustic guitar playing was a master class but the vocals needed to be perfect for this arrangement and they were not. Definitely better than last week but it just was not good enough. I found the entire performance to be boring.

Randy – I love the acoustic guitar, you are switching it up to show your sensitive vibe. The vocals were not perfect but the performance was heartfelt.

Ellen – I think this was your best performance to date. It was soulful, beautiful arrangement, you moved me.

Kara – You showed vulnerability, which has been lacking in your performances. The arrangement was “tasteful”. You are showing depth, which is what I have wanted to see from you. I think you can do even more with your range.

Simon – This was the best performance of the night so far. It was completely different from a couple of weeks ago. I am very impressed with you tonight.

Siobhan Magnus – “Across the Universe”

Tonight I loved what Siobhan was wearing and I forgive the completely boring performance of sitting because Siobhan provided fantastic vocals. The high note was perfect and there were no screeching or pitch issues. This was a beautiful restrained vocal, which I would listen to repeatedly. I have in fact downloaded the song to my iPod. This was my favorite vocal of the evening.

Randy – I am always waiting to see what you will do each week. This was a little sleepy but I liked seeing your tender side. You showed a lot of control. I love your artistry.

Ellen – I am a fan of people who march to the beat of their own drum. I loved this performance. I like that you cooled it with the big notes.

Kara – I thought this was good but it was too restrained and polite which is not what we are use to from Siobhan. I am still trying to process the performance. I am not sure about hearing this on the radio either. You did connect personally with the song but I remain confused.

Simon – Last week was somewhat disastrous but you came back stronger. Your unpredictability is great. If this was the first time someone had seen Siobhan it might seem strange but that is what I like about you.

Lee Dewyze – “Hey Jude”

I adore this song but I did not really enjoy the vocals because they were all over the place and mostly not in a good way. The strange thing is though I actually enjoyed watching the performance because for the first time Lee did not have the “deer in the headlight” look going on and he let loose as well. Lee had confidence and because he just powered through he made the performance work. If that bagpipe was Lee’s idea than he was flying high on some substance because when the bagpipe person came down the stairs I just started laughing and said WTF!

Randy – I am amazed at how nervous you always are because you did a great job.

Ellen – You were confident “even when that guy got separated from his parade.” You did a great job. I loved it.

Kara – You did seem comfortable out there on the stage tonight. You had some off moments but I could hear this on the radio.

Simon – I would not have chosen the bagpipe. I was turned off.

How underwhelming this performance show was but at least it was not the total train wreck it could have been and there was improvement from last week.

I only voted for Crystal, “Big Mike”, and Siobhan.

My prediction for the bottom three is Andrew, Aaron, and Tim. Tim clearly needs to be heading home and in keeping with my new reverse psychology I will predict Aaron instead taking the long and winding road home.

Tonight we get performances from artists needing to sell some tunes. These artists are Rihanna, Jason Derulo and David Archuleta.

Until tomorrow…

AI 9 3-31-10 Now There are Nine

Last night Ronald was doing both his happy dance (Didi is heading home) but also shaking his head after watching what has to be the number 1 most uncomfortable results shows ever aired in nine seasons.

The elimination show WENT INTO OVERTIME! WTF is wrong with this picture. I have such fond memories of those wonderful half-hour results show from the first few seasons.

Last night was all about selling, making money and cross promotions. The opening video combination of American Idol and “Clash of the Titans” was over the top and one of the most ridiculous ideas of convincing people they should rush to an opening of a movie I think I have ever witnessed. Unleash the Kraken indeed!

One bright spot of the evening is there was no group number.

The Ford Commercial was mediocre at best. They are pushing the bottom of the barrel to pull out “Kung Fu Fighting” from 1974. I have to admit I own a 45 version of the song, which demonstrates the age of the song even more.

The interviews of the contestants, the scathing comments from the judges, and the palpable anger between Simon and Ryan was just freaking uncomfortable. The whole thing seemed so “Mean Girls” high school social group fighting. I wanted to go screaming from the room.

I did though crack up with Simon’s line “This is not The Oprah Winfrey Show. It is called American Idol.” Perhaps we should call in Dr. Phil to do some counseling with the American Idol team.

Ruben Studdard returned to the Idol stage with a song so boring I started nodding off. Ruben still has a voice but as I indicated multiple times during Season two he has issues with controlling his breathing. Wait Ruben has new songs coming out which we will be able to download and he will be touring with Clay Aiken this summer. There is an artist hawking their wares on the results show well I never saw that one coming.

We can now blame Usher for unleashing Justin Bieber onto the world’s stage. My public service warning announcement to all – “Justin will be singing next Wednesday during the elimination show” so watch at your own peril.

Let us move on to our mentor’s performance. Was it just me or did it seem we were watching a routine from “So You Think You can Dance”. There definitely was more dancing than singing. I am not sure there was any singing going on at all with all the techno echoing effects in place. It appeared to be an effective lip-sync drag show routine. RuPaul would have been happy with the routine. I personally found it to be just ear noise because I certainly did not hear any musicality.

Diddy’s band is “Dirty Money” now I understand; however, if that track is music then I am scared for the future. Dancing over singing along with all that technology trying to make music was painful. Poor Mr. Diddy was having trouble lip-synching. Time waster to try to sell an upcoming album just never happens on American Idol.

My predictions for the bottom 3 this week were spot on and my plot to use reserve psychology has now worked two weeks in a row. Goodbye Didi!

For all the hype there was this year about the women we only have three left in the top nine.

Next week our top nine will tackle the Lennon/McCartney songbook. “Imagine” the possibilities of the potential train wrecks we may have in our future.

Until next week…