AI 9 4-6-10 Snooze Fest Central

This is the top nine of season nine and this is AMERICAN IDOL!

Wow, I am so excited to see all the filler during the broadcast show – NOT! I am not enjoying the completely ramped up vibe of a reality show with all the instant video of the contestants as they leave the stage or the entire backstage goings on. Give me a break “Central Nervous System” of our show indeed! I do not give a flying f*^k about any of this crap. I want to hear amazing vocals.

The producers had to throw in the big announcement of the judges again and Ryan you should not be walking down those stairs, give it a rest!

We have two hours of airtime to fill and only 13.5 minutes of singing no wonder I am bored.

Given there was no mentor tonight we get video introductions of what the other contestants feel about each other. Please you are in this to win but no one ripped anyone apart. I just do not believe they were being honest. Once again I do not care if they snore, smile, act like Yoda, can do the “single ladies” dance, will only say yes to going to the prom for the person who can prove they voted for me the most or whatever other lame blah, blah came out. All I want to know is can you sing and if so prove it to me.

There is Paul McCartney via video telling the contestants he knows they can do it. WTF! Paul if you were there perhaps you would have provided some entertainment because last night’s program was boring with a capital B.

Enough of my incessant bitching and we will move on to the heart of the matter which is dishing the dirt about the performances.

Aaron Kelly – “The Long and Winding Road”

When I heard this song choice, I was laughing because I graduated from high school 33 years ago and this was our class song. Aaron is 16, it just points out how old these songs are, and of all the Beatle’s, McCartney, and Lennon songs out there, he chooses this one. I guess I can be happy he did not choose “When I’m 64”!

Last week Aaron got the pimp spot and this week he is first. This is a big song and to make it work you need to have passion and to sing it with power and conviction. Aaron was not up to the job. This entire performance was dull and Aaron did not have the breath support required to reach those high notes. Aaron pushed too hard for the belting. The coaches should explain if you breathe, you would have the power to reach the glory note. I thought the ending of the song was horrid; those notes were so sharp he could have stabbed someone with them.

Randy – The thing I like about it is you have a great voice there is a nice tone. I did not like the arrangement. It was too sleepy. This is a song, which should have been changed up. I think you should have tried a country version.

Ellen – I think you are fantastic but it was a big song. It was a long and winding song but I did not like the performance.

Kara – In order to deliver that song you need to be great and you have not reached that level. Some parts were good but some parts were not. I feel like you are doing the same thing every week. If you are here next week, I want to see you do something up-tempo.

Simon – It was very old-fashioned and very boring. I agree with Kara about doing the same thing every week. You need to take a risk. I want to see you young and relevant.

Katie Stevens – “Let It Be”

Katie looked very good which was an improvement over previous weeks. The outfit and accessories were age appropriate and not overpowering. I will also give Katie some props because with only a few hiccups this was her best vocal performance of the season so far. Yet the entire performance was boring. I am not a child who needs a lullaby. Let us have some fun Katie.

Randy – This was your best performance ever and reaffirms why you are in the top nine. Dude these were hot vocals.

Ellen – This was the perfect example of changing a song to make it your own without disrespecting the song.

Kara – You do not make excuses even after being in the bottom three. You blossom each week. It was a great vocal you had attitude and confidence. You looked better and sounded better. I am proud of you.

Simon – If you are in the bottom three consistently, you are doing something wrong. Tonight you got it right. I will take some credit for this because you went a little country tonight. It felt like you were singing about someone rather than being robotic and that made a big difference.

Andrew Garcia – “Can’t Buy Me Love”

This performance was just stupid. It was hokey karaoke.

Randy – I am not jumping up and down about the performance. The arrangement was interesting. It sounded okay but it was corny.

Ellen – Money can buy you love. I thought this was the perfect song choice for you and I loved it.

Kara – I want to love this performance but I want to see more from you. The breakdown was hot.

Simon – This was like a wedding performance. I think I know what you were trying to do and meaning no disrespect but the band overpowered the arrangement and you, which made it old-fashioned and irrelevant. You and the band got it wrong tonight.

Michael Lynch – “Eleanor Rigby”

The vocals were okay. “Big Mike” kept his eyes closed for the majority of the performance, which made it hard for him to sell the message of the song. In addition, the arrangement was somewhat strange. This is a song about loneliness, longing yet the arrangement was up-tempo, and “Big Mike” was just a little over the top, which was distracting from the message of the song.

Randy – I am happy but not all of it worked. You have gotten to the point in the show where you have the license to do what you want. That could be a single on the radio.

Ellen – You can do anything. You show different sides of yourself through choosing very different songs and you handle them equally well. Incredible, I loved it.

Kara – I thought that was fire. The vocals were amazing. I loved the drama as you kept building things up. You made the song commercial and relevant.

Simon – I did not love this as much as the others did because it reminded me of something from a musical (which I do not like). This made you take a step backwards rather than sound contemporary. It was too over-the-top. I am now confused about what kind of artist you want to be.

Crystal Bowersox – “Come Together”

I love this song and I adore Crystal. Crystal did an amazing job. It was not the perfect performance but the woman could sing the phone book and I would be listening with rapt attention. I love the quality and sound of her voice. On the other hand, the didgeridoo (I had to Google to get the correct spelling) was just plain stupid and personally distracted from what Crystal was trying to do with the song.
Randy – This was another solid performance but not your best. I did like how you started slowly and built up to the big notes. You found your groove at the end. The didgeridoo was distracting but you won me over. You are in the zone.

Ellen – I loved the didgeridoo. My only concern is coming up with a new way to tell you how great you are. You made it current and it could be on your album.

Kara – This was one of my favorite performances of yours. You gave it a Bonnie Raitt feel and took the melody to a place I would not have expected. You are sometimes too serious but tonight you were playful, sexy, smiling and felt more accessible.

Simon – I could hear this song on the radio. I found it interesting you said you wanted to stay true to yourself and that is what makes it work.

Tim Urban – “All My Lovin’”

Why is Tim here? Oh yes you are cute and all the tween girls and grandmothers are voting for you. I simply shook my head during the entire performance. I will give Tim some credit as the vocals were good but at this stage good simply is not enough. Compared to prior performances I was not going screaming from the room but there was nothing special, exciting, or to make me download the song to listen to it repeatedly. Just put me out of my misery now America.

Randy – You need your own category and so this was a good Tim performance.

Ellen – This was the perfect song choice for you and your second best performance.

Kara – I always thought that your best performances were the ones where you played the guitar and you stayed true to that tonight. I appreciate that you take in our criticisms, which cannot be easy since we have not been nice to you.

Simon – It is not fair to judge you based on your own performances but you need to be judged against everyone else. Considering everything, you did well tonight. You did not bring any gimmicks or try to over sing. You chose a song that suits your voice and that sounds current. I like that you take criticism like a man.

Casey James – “Jealous Guy”

Casey is an awesome guitar player but his vocals are spotty at best. Once again, the acoustic guitar playing was a master class but the vocals needed to be perfect for this arrangement and they were not. Definitely better than last week but it just was not good enough. I found the entire performance to be boring.

Randy – I love the acoustic guitar, you are switching it up to show your sensitive vibe. The vocals were not perfect but the performance was heartfelt.

Ellen – I think this was your best performance to date. It was soulful, beautiful arrangement, you moved me.

Kara – You showed vulnerability, which has been lacking in your performances. The arrangement was “tasteful”. You are showing depth, which is what I have wanted to see from you. I think you can do even more with your range.

Simon – This was the best performance of the night so far. It was completely different from a couple of weeks ago. I am very impressed with you tonight.

Siobhan Magnus – “Across the Universe”

Tonight I loved what Siobhan was wearing and I forgive the completely boring performance of sitting because Siobhan provided fantastic vocals. The high note was perfect and there were no screeching or pitch issues. This was a beautiful restrained vocal, which I would listen to repeatedly. I have in fact downloaded the song to my iPod. This was my favorite vocal of the evening.

Randy – I am always waiting to see what you will do each week. This was a little sleepy but I liked seeing your tender side. You showed a lot of control. I love your artistry.

Ellen – I am a fan of people who march to the beat of their own drum. I loved this performance. I like that you cooled it with the big notes.

Kara – I thought this was good but it was too restrained and polite which is not what we are use to from Siobhan. I am still trying to process the performance. I am not sure about hearing this on the radio either. You did connect personally with the song but I remain confused.

Simon – Last week was somewhat disastrous but you came back stronger. Your unpredictability is great. If this was the first time someone had seen Siobhan it might seem strange but that is what I like about you.

Lee Dewyze – “Hey Jude”

I adore this song but I did not really enjoy the vocals because they were all over the place and mostly not in a good way. The strange thing is though I actually enjoyed watching the performance because for the first time Lee did not have the “deer in the headlight” look going on and he let loose as well. Lee had confidence and because he just powered through he made the performance work. If that bagpipe was Lee’s idea than he was flying high on some substance because when the bagpipe person came down the stairs I just started laughing and said WTF!

Randy – I am amazed at how nervous you always are because you did a great job.

Ellen – You were confident “even when that guy got separated from his parade.” You did a great job. I loved it.

Kara – You did seem comfortable out there on the stage tonight. You had some off moments but I could hear this on the radio.

Simon – I would not have chosen the bagpipe. I was turned off.

How underwhelming this performance show was but at least it was not the total train wreck it could have been and there was improvement from last week.

I only voted for Crystal, “Big Mike”, and Siobhan.

My prediction for the bottom three is Andrew, Aaron, and Tim. Tim clearly needs to be heading home and in keeping with my new reverse psychology I will predict Aaron instead taking the long and winding road home.

Tonight we get performances from artists needing to sell some tunes. These artists are Rihanna, Jason Derulo and David Archuleta.

Until tomorrow…