AI 10 1-26-11 Milwaukie

Last night the show begins with Steven and Randy jamming to “Sweet Emotion” in a parking lot when there is an abrupt cut to the American Idol opening. The openings are getting stranger and stranger.

American Idol is visiting Milwaukie which is hometown to Danny Gokey, wait, there is Danny in the crowd shouting. I am so excited, NOT!

Steven Tyler is the best addition to this season as he is just so much fun to watch. The live shows are going to be very entertaining with the bleeping and his quotes are going to be fodder forever. I thoroughly enjoy the way he will harmonize with the contestants including the ones who could not hit a note if it was right in front of them. I am still laughing about one of his comments last night, “Slap that baby on the ass and call me Christmas!” This gem was priceless. The producers will need to watch his flirting with underage females though. As one of my friends twitted last night, “I smell a sex scandal” in the making.

Cue introductory video of the contestants filling up a stadium while the judges were over at the Art Museum.

It is time to start dishing the dirt; excuse me, to provide insightful commentary on the auditions.

Day One

Scott McCreery hailing from Gardner, North Carolina is a 16-year-old all American boy because he plays baseball and is a great role model for others. Scott explains he is a fan of country music and chooses “Your Man” and color me surprised he has a beautifully deep rich voice, which was made for country music. The judges ask him to sing a more upbeat tune, he goes with “Put Drive in their country”, and he really pulled out the country rock in his phrasing. Scott was enthusiastic and having fun during this song.

Steven came out with “Hellfire save matches, “bleep” a duck and see what hatches.” Crack me up. Jennifer says, “You make me smile”. Randy says yes and the other judges follow suit and Scott is heading for Hollywood.

Cue video montage of the Idol crew assisting the judges and their responsive kudos. Boring! We then cue the welcome back to Milwaukie video of the crowds as we see our next contestant.

Joe Repka is a 19-year-old student who aspires to be a radio DJ just like Ryan, which naturally means Ryan puts him through his paces. If I heard Joe say the introduction to the local radio station one more time, I was going to reach through the television and choke him.

Joe chooses “For the Longest time” and proceeds to murder the melody. The judges join in during the chorus before stopping the audition. Steven advises not to quit your day job with Randy and Jennifer agreeing. Joe continuing in his delusion starts belting “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with you.” Jennifer states I do not think he heard us! The judges are unanimous in killing Joe’s dream of visiting Hollywood.

Emma Henry a 15-years–old with a new driving permit drove 15 hours with her family just to audition. Emma reminds us she has been watching the show since she is five. Emma auditions with “True Colors” and in my humble opinion screwed the number up royally. I thought she was off key and her phrasing was just plain strange.

The judges were hearing something I was not. Steven really likes her tone and says yes. Jennifer believes there is a nugget there but believes she needs more work polishing it. OMG, Jennifer agrees with Ronald! Randy does not think she is ready for this competition and is about to say no when Emma lets the tears flow. Randy tries to explain, “They are not saying she is terrible they are just afraid she will be swallowed up in the competition.” Emma swears she will not (excuse me did you just not start crying) while Randy remains on the fence. We cut to the hallway where her mother indicates she is sick. Back to the audition room where Steven is pushing Randy, “Dawg turned into a pussycat” when Randy finally says yes.

Ronald would have sent her packing because sick or not I did not enjoy the performance at all. I simply do not see her making it through the Hollywood terror.

Cue video of the holding room, which moves to several contestants butchering their songs. These poor deluded contestants include Kody Zalewski, Juanita Barges, Kamil Anthony, and Kamisha Miller. Kody asks Randy what was so terrible and he replies, “Pitch, tone, sound and everything about singing.”

Cue the next introductory video explaining there must be exceptional talent in Wisconsin because it is home to the largest music festival known as Summerfest! Our next contestant, Naima Adedapo we learn is on the cleaning staff where Summerfest is held but wishes she were on the stage instead of cleaning toilets. Naima wants to be able to provide for her family and begins to cry while explaining she cries over this because it means so much to her.

Naima goes with “For All We Know,” and Ronald sat up with a smile because this woman can sing. She has a beautiful and rich voice along with incredible control. Jennifer states you have a good voice and overall presents a good package. Steven says ditto and Randy finishes the love fest with love that girl. Naima is going to Hollywood.

Cue our next video which is Ryan and Jennifer bantering about their being divas which fades into more antics in the holding room where everyone is having a party. We see for the umpteenth time a contestant performing back flips and landing on a person on the floor. Enough all ready, once is more than enough.

Jerome Bell is a wedding and bar mitzvah singer who is here to wow the judges with “Let’s get it on.” There was no wow in this performance and I thought he was shouting the entire song, which did not give me the opportunity to hear his voice. The judges on the other hand were gushing with superlatives. Randy states that was crazy mad vocals and “all the isms are jumping off.” Jennifer states you were loud, soft, sweet and cute. Steven follows with beautiful and “none of the wasms.” Ronald shakes his head in wonder as Jerome heads to Hollywood.

It is time again for our next video montage, which begins with a recap of Justin Beiber’s performance from last year’s Idol, which only makes Ronald want to go screaming from the room. Justin is there to remind us that Idol rules now allow 15-year-olds to audition. We then fade into Valerie who is 5 years old at the maximum singing. This was included why.

Thia Megia was originally planning to audition for season 11 but once she learned of her eligibility at 15, she immediately went on line to book a flight to Milwaukie because she could not wait for their visit to California. Excuse me, I certainly hope her parents were involved in this decision and she does not have a credit card of her own.

Thia goes with “Chasing Pavements” which I found to be average karaoke. I did not see any wow nor did she do anything with the song. Borrowing from Simon, it was simply a copycat rendition. Her voice was okay but there is nothing shouting here is our next American idol. The judges seem to adore her. Steven indicates you have a nice voice, great tone and clarity and it was smoking heat. Down Steve, down, she is only 15. Jennifer indicates she was “the total package”. Randy just says yes. Thia is going to Hollywood.

Cue Ryan telling us the decision to lower the minimum age to 15 seems to be working as more 15-year-olds were heading to Hollywood from Milwaukie. We then get a video montage of these unidentified golden ticket holders.

Welcome back to Milwaukie where we learn Nathaniel Jones is a Civil War re-enactor who comes complete with the entire military outfit and a gun yes I said a gun. We have ridiculous time wasting video of Nathaniel pointing the gun at Ryan and his saying do not shoot, do not shoot, he really would not shoot would he. Given recent events, the producers could have removed this because it serves no purpose. I also could care less that everyone asks him if his dad is a hippie and his response being, “No, he is not a hippie, hippies believe in sex.” Nathaniel is too over the top and weird.

Nathaniel marches into the audition room and provides a salute to the judges which Randy returns calling him corporal. Nathaniel decides to audition with “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. Really? Ronald remembers the time he was in a student project commercial for a mattress company singing this same song. Wait I digress this is not about me. Nathaniel sings as well as I do which means he stinks. We waste all this time on him for no pay off. Randy is laughing so hard he is unable to talk. Steven tells him he liked the song but not sure, you are right for American Idol. Jennifer says no and poor Nathaniel heads back to his regular world, wherever that may be.

Mason Wilkinson is so nervous he has to turn away from the judges to compose himself, which takes a very long time. Finally, Mason begins to sing or should we say talk/chant some unknown song. I could not understand a word because he is unable to enunciate. The judges in poking fun at him wait in silence as long as it took Mason to compose himself and finally Jennifer asks should be vote and Mason heads home without a golden ticket.

This leads to another video montage showing a string of rejections with unidentified contestants.

Our final contestant from day one is Molly DeWolf Swensen who recently graduated from Harvard and is currently working in the White House as an intern. Molly states she is in love with President Obama but not in a Monica Lewinsky/Bill Clinton way and laughs. We then learn that Randy whacked Molly in the mouth earlier in the day as we cue video proof. Molly tells Randy she hopes he does not add insult to her real injury.

Molly auditions with “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay” and gives it a cool new vibe. I found her voice to have an excellent rich tone. Molly demonstrates excellent control of her lower register, which is how she started and then hit the high stones. Molly definitely has the potential of making it to the finals. The judges were gushing with praise. Steven indicates I love your attitude; you had beautiful real pitch, just terrific. Jennifer was impressed with her low rich voice. Randy states you are a good singer. Molly is heading to Hollywood.

Day one ends with a video montage of the lucky recipients of a golden ticket although they remain nameless.

Day 2

Cue the video montage of the contestants basking in the glow as the producers continue to pimp for Danny Gokey.

Hailey Reinhart is back to audition again because last season the judges told her she was not ready and should try again. Steven appears to be hitting on her – yuck! Hailey chooses “Oh, Darling” and her voice is good but I still do not think she is ready for this competition. Naturally,

Steven loves her and Randy indicates you are better and you show more control with your runs. Hailey is going to Hollywood.

Tiwan Strong who strangely refers to himself in the third person goes with “Twisting the Night away”. Tiwan performs well but is singing is average at best. This was just good karaoke but there is nothing screaming American Idol. Steven states, “I see the sparkle in your eyes.” Jennifer says you did a good job with Randy indicating your control was nice. Tiwan is heading to Hollywood.

Cue video montage of the thousands waiting to audition and everyone in the holding room is waiting for their close up.

Steve Beghun (pronounced as big goon) is a Certified Public Accountant and auditor and tells Ryan since he does some auditing he is not very popular. Ronald laughs because he is talking my life, as an auditor, no one wants to see you coming but I am still popular. Oh no, now I am singing “Popular” from “Wicked”. I hate when I digress. Steve has a great sense of humor though. I love the fact that along with his job as a CPA he also is a wedding and funeral singer.

Steve chooses to audition with “The Man Who Can’t be moved.” I found the performance was okay but nothing shouting I will be a wonderful star. His singing talents did not impress me. Steven indicates that was “disturbingly great, weird, and compelling.” The judges vote him through to Hollywood. Ronald just shakes his head. I did on the other hand enjoy how he was able to pick up Ryan with one arm indicating, “I am an accountant. This is fun.”

Vernika Patterson is next and goes with “Loving You” as her audition song. I can see the train wreck coming a mile a minute. This is a horrible song choice. Vernika totally blows the beginning and asks to start again. The second attempt is not much better and her voice sent me over the edge. This was the fingers down the blackboard moment of the night.

Steven tells her she is not ready for Idol and Jennifer says this will not work. Vernika gets defensive and shouts she sings better than half the people there do. It is because of my weight and the judges are trying to explain that it is not when she just marches out of the audition room. Vernika storms out of the building cursing and screaming to get that camera out of my face but still ends up giving a little interview.

This leads into a video montage of other crazy deluded contestants crying, screaming, and “I do not want to be on camera” wackos. Give me a break, you all just wanted your 15 minutes of fame. Please get off my television set.

Albert Rogers III is next singing “Stand by me”. There was no reason for this audition because Albert is not a singer. This was just time wasting filler. Steven is trying to be nice by saying I liked it but I am not sure you are an American Idol while Randy simply cuts to the chase and says it was terrible. Albert is going home without a golden ticket.

Scott Dangerfield a 22-year-old student teacher. Steven asks him when he comes in about his lip color and Scott explains he was just kissing a girl backstage, which is why he may look like he is wearing lipstick. I have to give Scott some kudos for being very funny when he states, “I found love in the Idol line”.

Scott goes with “Dreamin” and I was extremely impressed with this performance. I thought Scott made a great choice giving it a soulful spin. Scott has a beautiful tone, excellent enunciation, and nice vibrato as well. I am excited about hearing him sing again. The judges adore him with Jennifer saying my favorite so far and without giving the other judges a chance starts shouting “Hollywood, Hollywood” and Scott leaves with his golden ticket.

Cue our next video montage where we meet the most annoying girl in the world. Megan Frazier is beyond annoying. I am so excited she is a Packers fan – NOT! Can we just skip all this talk about her dad and the Packers as it is simply adding salt to the wound?

Megan is going with “Baby” by Justin Bieber and I immediately squirm in my seat. How do I even describe the horror of this performance? I have to admit I hate Justin Bieber so there is strike number one but then Megan attempts to sing a vapid pop song as an opera singer. If Megan had the pipes to actually sing opera perhaps, it could work but the screeching and screaming is indescribable. I was happy when the judges cut her off. The judges are unanimous in their decision to send Megan home without a golden ticket.

Alyson Jados loves Steven Tyler so much but luckily is 26 years old. As Aly walks into the audition room Steven comments that she looks like she could be one of his and then stops talking. Ronald shakes his head. It gets worst when he says she needs a hug. I swear he was feeling her up. Aly goes with “Come Together” and she sounds pretty good but there were some very rough moments though. It might be what she was trying for by giving it a rock edge but I was not wowed as much as the judges were.

Randy wants to hear her sing something else and suggests “Dream On”. Aly does warn them she is not able to sing those high notes at the end. Overall, she sounds better on this song but she had more rough notes but I was able to hear the tone in her voice. Steven tells her she was “pitchy”. Jennifer likes the quality of her voice and thinks she has good performance skills and votes yes. Randy says no to Hollywood leaving her fate to her “idol”. Mr. Producer I could see this buildup coming a mile away and it was not suspenseful. Steven votes yes and Aly is going to Hollywood.

Our final contestant Chris Medina comes with a big back-story heavily prompted throughout the entire episode. Chris has been going out with Juliana for eight years and been engaged for three years. In October 2009 two months before their wedding date, she was in an accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury rendering her comatose for a month and a half. Since then Chris and Juliana’s mother have been her primary caregivers. Damn you producers once again because when Chris states, “What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most?” I lost it. Juliana was there in a wheelchair cheering him on.

Chris goes with “Break Even” and while I would like to say, I loved the performance I really did not. I thought the beginning was horribly off key and slow but he did improve as the song went on. I like the tone and pitch of his voice but I did not leap out of my seat screaming, yes, he is the next American Idol.

The judges tell him to bring Juliana in and her family wheels her in and the judges all introduce themselves with Steven being icky by hugging and smooching her face, whispering into her ear. Steven tells her that Chris is good and it must be because he sings to her. Chris is going to Hollywood! In the holding room, Juliana tells him “I knew it.”

American Idol’s visit to Milwaukie was successful as 53 contestants left with their golden ticket. Cue montage of those lucky contestants who are nameless and for which we may never see them again.

I think this episode is putting us back to the same type of shows from previous seasons yet I was thoroughly entertained. Steven Tyler is the reason the man is simply freaking hilarious. I look forward to his future antics.

Tonight’s episode takes us to Nashville! Yea haw!

Until tomorrow…