AI 8 - 1/20/09 San Francisco

To hell with my heart – where is the TALENT?

While I personally love San Francisco I am voting American Idol should never hold another audition in this city. Why must we be continually harassed with William Hung? Enough already, he had more than his 15 minutes of fame. My honey Katherine McPhee has been the only good choice from this city!

Last night’s episode was just a bit strange, it was almost like a throw away episode. Maybe the producers figured everyone would be watching the parties from Washington D.C.

The only real joy from last night’s episode was the interaction between Kara and Simon. I am so looking forward to more of those fireworks; she was calling him out and more power to her!

The opening montage was a bit much and do I care there was a proposal and they got married in line when we never heard of them afterwards, it was just friggin’ lame! Don’t even get me started on the bit with Ryan and the judges telling to come back in and use his real voice – give me a break.

Tatiana Del Toro (23) from Puerto Rico is the first audition we see and even before I heard her speak or laugh I did not like her. She was just way over the top and not in a good way. We learn that she has a friend who’s one of the world’s most powerful psychics who told her she would make it to the final 12, not if I can help it! Let’s tackle her I laugh like a hyena and if there was one more clip of her laughing I would have totally lost it. It was so aggravating and she hadn’t even sung. Her laugh is definitely fingers down the chalkboard. I was irritated by her voice. Tatiana is a very desperate and needy individual. Tatiana comes in with a press kit and a record and we get wasted time as the judges look through it, especially the “naughty” shot, PLEASE! Let’s just get to the singing and giving her the boot.

Tatiana attempts “Never Loved a Man” and I did not like her at all, she was trying too hard, I thought her pitch was off, it was a mess. Simon tells her she picked the wrong song, naturally Tatiana can’t shut up and tries something else, in fact whenever the judges tried to talk she would sing something else or she pouted or begged. It was a total freak show. Paula says yes, “your fun”. Randy tells her she doesn’t have the big voice to do R&B but your “wild” and says yes. Kara doesn’t think she has the vocals but she likes her vibe. What the f&*k! Tatiana is going to Hollywood and Ronald has a meltdown. Thank heavens for Simon, “She didn’t get through on her vocals.”

This woman is a train wreck and there is no way she can be allowed to make it into the top 12. If she even gets to the top 36, I will make it my personal mission in life to use my fast flying dialing fingers to ensure she is out of there! My advice to Tatiana is you need to go into public relations because apparently you can promote! Please put me out of my misery now, I am going to go crazy if I hear her hyena laughing one more time.

Cue montage about San Francisco being ahead of its time and then we are shown two horrible auditions; unfortunately they were named, Nick Read with the red hair (ugly cut and his hair was covering one eye no less) and Jiayi Yu.

Dean-Anthony Bradford is next. Naturally his hook is a totally huge plaid colored coat he was wearing; this can’t be good especially if he says it is the jacket of life! Mr. Bradford was running a special event company but “apparently the special events weren’t too special” since it went under. I couldn’t understand a word he was singing and he has a totally freakish voice and his facial expressions were so forced I actually laughed out loud. Simon thought his hair was not his natural color but Dean-Anthony assured them his carpet matched the drapes – way too much information! Luckily the judges had some sense this time and said no. I guess Dean-Anthony failed at something else.

Jesus Valenzuela considers himself to be a family man, his children really like the show and they follow it religiously. Come on those kids aren’t that old they could not have been watching it for 7 seasons. I am not impressed. I am not sure of the song he sang which is good because I didn’t think he had much of a voice and there was like an echo to it, it was strange. Simon doesn’t think he can win. Kara and Paula like him and asks him to bring in his kids. This is way too over the top for me. Apparently the cute kids are too much for the judges and they send him through. It just doesn’t make sense.

Dalton Powell who is a Rubik’s Cube master is up next. I am not sure why they even bother. Dalton has no personality, a high voice, sang with his eyes closed and couldn’t carry a tune. Luckily he is shown the door, more time to practice with the cube!

Cue another montage and a couple of bad singers. I only got the first person’s name, James Smith. This was a waste of time.

We get another montage which leads off about the “Summer of Love” but it is really about the sparks between Kara and Simon. I am totally digging Kara and calling everyone on their crap. I think we will see some very interesting dynamics when we get to the heart of the show.

Akilah Askew-Gohlston cannot enunciate or correctly pronounce a word if it was biting her in the ass. She is studying how to train as a gospel singer using all these biology diagrams – CRAZY! If you can’t enunciate or pronounce words correctly how the hell are you going to sing! Akilah wants to audition with one of her original songs – is she nuts? Do these contestants not watch the show to see what doesn’t work? Let us just say she sucks. Simon advises her it is a bad song choice so guess what she goes for another one and I couldn’t tell the difference from the earlier one. She is bombing and just keeps trying, first sucking up to the judges and then begging. You know it is bad when Paula gets up and tells her it is not in the cards and then actually leaves. Kara has to get up and practically lead her out of the room. Score another one for Kara when she asks Randy and Simon why they yell at some people and let others keep going.

Cue another montage but at least in this case we get three contestants who get golden tickets, we don’t hear enough of them for me to judge but they were John Twiford, Allison Iraheta, and Raquel Houghton.

Annie Murdoch, air head who indicates she can play the violin and piano and loves to scat but she doesn’t come prepared with an audition song, WHAT! It is an audition, be prepared! First she thinks she might do a Bonnie Raitt song but which one, then asks if she can do “Summertime”. While I was not a fan of Fantasia she did blow this song out of the water but Annie must never have watched American Idol because she would know you never, ever try to sing a signature song from a prior winner. Poor Annie, she was loud, off key and she couldn’t enunciate. Simon tells her it was like she was drunk and not just from a few but a whole crate, he thought she was going to fall over. Annie is going home without the golden ticket!

Adam Lambert (26) was fun and had great personality. I love musical theater so I enjoyed the fact that his parents put him in musical theater as a kid because he had so much energy. We learn he is currently performing in “Wicked” and has for the last year and a half. “Wicked” has a very tough score. If you haven’t seen this show I would encourage you to go. It is coming to Portland again. I have tickets for March 13th but I digress. Adam chose “Bohemian Rhapsody”, always an interesting choice. I thought Adam had a great voice and he had extreme control of it as well. Simon thinks he is a good singer, DUH, but is theatrical. Kara tries to point out that he should go through on his voice. Randy thinks it is time for someone like Adam and says yes. Simon relents and says yes which infuriates Kara because he can’t make up his mind but agrees he is theatrical and Paula says yes as well. I fell out of my chair when Adam tells Paula he saw her in his first concert when he was 10 and loved her. I am looking forward to seeing how Adam does in Hollywood. Is it just me or could Adam pass as one of the Jonas Brothers?

Kai Kalama (26) is the final audition from San Francisco and we had been teased about his story throughout the episode. Kai’s mother is sick (some type of seizure disorder) and he has pretty much put his life on hold (not dating, etc) to take care of her. We get to see him interacting with his mother, caring for her, and the shameless interview with her about how lucky she is that her son is so great. Kai wants to be able to buy his mother a house and make sure she is taken care of.

Kai goes with “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” and I have to say it is really good. The tone of his voice was very nice; he had excellent control and could enunciate. I hated his outfit and his hair really sucks to the point it reminded me of he who should not be named but he can sing. Simon indicates he has the personality of a ship singer. Paula indicates he can sing and can work on showmanship and stage presence. Kara starts to talk but Simon calls for a vote which starts a spat between them with Paula warning Kara she’ll learn she can’t talk. Kara is having none of it and provides her opinion anyway. Kara tells him he can sing but he needs to get his performance level up. Kai is heading for Hollywood. Simon advises him to watch him to see what confidence can do. Kai naturally calls his mother and we hear her reaction via the cell phone. I think Kai’s mother was more excited than he was.

San Francisco found only 12 people getting golden tickets, which is the lowest of any of the audition shows we have seen so far. We really only saw 4 because the 3 we saw in the quick montage don’t count in my book. Adam and Kai are the only two I agree with.

Next up is Louisville, Kentucky.

Until tomorrow…