Thursday, January 28, 2010

AI 9 1-27-10 Dallas

Tonight we are returning to Texas a state we know and love. We have visited the state six times before and it has never disappointed us, well maybe a little bit. Ryan is standing on the roof of a building as he shouts, “This is Dallas and THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!”

The strains of “God Bless Texas” playing in the background we see a montage of the second largest state in the union but Texas pride is second to none. There are 11,000 crazies I mean contestants in the queue at the New Cowboy Stadium hoping to be the next big star!

Our guest judge for day one is Neil Patrick Harris who tells Kara his goal for today is to “shatter the dreams of thousands.” I knew there was something about him I like and he gets my vote for the person who should replace Simon Cowell. I think Neil has been the best guest judge so far because he was direct and honest in his comments.

Well it is time to start dishing the dirt!

Day 1

This is the third time American Idol has done the two-step in Dallas. During Season 1, we struck gold with Kelly Clarkson who won the crown!

During Season 1, we also had a visit with Julie Kevelighan who shall we say did not do well. Julie is trying again because she knows she is ready. Miss Glitter chooses “Black Velvet” and sadly, Julie continues to suck. Neil tells her the singing was not very strong. Simon tells her everything from the voice to the horrendous makeup was wrong and this is not her dream. Julie does not take this well and keeps trying to sing by butchering “Over the Rainbow” and “Something to Talk About”. In the end, Julie blames it all on her breathing. Whatever!

It is 11:00 a.m. and the women are getting the gold as we see a quick montage with these unnamed contestants.

Now it is up to Lloyd Thomas (29) to bring the gold for the men. My first thought is he is over the age limit but I am suspecting he was 28 during the actual audition but is now 29 or the producers will have some issues. Lloyd has two daughters and his goal is to ensure his family will not experience the crime and problems he did. Lloyd chooses “Overjoyed” to audition. I really enjoyed this performance. I thought he had very good control and he was pitch perfect. Kara was impressed, Neil likes his voice but wants to see more flash but Simon states it is his favorite audition of the day. Lloyd is going to Hollywood.

It is high noon and a show down is coming so we cue montage of nameless contestants some yes and some no but the focus was to try to show how Neil and Simon were going for a shoot out.

Kimberly Carver (26) is choosing to do an original song (what is up with Season nine contestants and original songs). The song was not very good but Kimberly has a nice tone and I love jazz. I am not sure she can be the next American Idol but I sure would buy her album. Neil, Kara, and Randy love it but Simon does not see anything current. Simon is overruled and Kimberly is going to Hollywood. Simon says welcome to Jazz TV.

There is one thing for sure, when American Idol comes visiting it is a very big thing and the media is there to spread the news as the video montage plays.

Could the next big star be Dexter Ward (20) well he certainly believes this to be true. As Dexter continues to wink at the camera, he challenges us to let the games begin. Dexter is working it as he enters the judge’s room and chooses “If I Ever Fall in love”. Dexter is horrible. Kara is speechless and looks to Randy for assistance who states, “It looked like it hurt”. Everyone is in agreement Dexter is definitely not the next big star.

With Dexter crying we cue the montage of all the Dallas hopefuls whose dreams ended with a river of tears. Neil Patrick Harris must read by blog because he tells Ryan exactly what I argue every year, if these contestants are unable to handle the pressure of an audition or critical comments how the hell can they survive the cutthroat-performing world. Thanks Neil for supporting my cause.

Erica Rhodes (23) was a performer on Barney & Friends but she wants to prove Barney’s kids grow up to be adults. Erica makes a statement entering in a leather dominatrix outfit and a whip yes you read correctly, a whip. The judges request Erica sing the Barney song and Ronald tries not to toss his cookies. A leather dominatrix singing, “I Love you, you love me” is a freaking joke! Erica goes with “Free Your Mind” and personally, it was all over the place. I will admit buried under all her stupid moves and cracking the whip may be a good voice but it is hard to determine given her outlandish performance. The judges were impressed because Erica made an impression and did her thing. Erica is going to Hollywood.

Day one in Dallas is winding down and the final contestant is Dan Pittman (27) who has Tourette’s syndrome. Dan enjoys singing because while he is singing the symptoms of his condition seem to disappear. Dan goes with “Bring it on Home to me” and for the first time this evening, Ronald has a smile on his face. Dan’s voice is very strong and distinct. I was surprised he had such control over it has well. This was an awesome audition. Neil and Randy love the voice and the look. Simon thinks people will like him. Dan is heading to Hollywood.

Fourteen contestants receive their golden ticket to Hollywood during Day one as we cue the montage of nameless contestants screaming in joy with their golden ticket.

Day 2

Welcome to the second day at the round up in Dallas. Joe Jonas is our guest judge and look at the girls screaming as he arrives.

Todrick Hall (24) was in “The Color Purple” with Fantasia. Todrick also wants to audition with an original song and after nine seasons, he is finally the contestant who really makes it work. The song was clever and funny while in addition displaying some impressive vocals. Randy indicates he was one of his favorites of the season auditions. Joe likes it as well. Simon finds the song “cutesy” but he is not jumping out of his chair. The judges though unanimously send Todrick to Hollywood.

Next up is a montage of nameless winners of the golden ticket except for two Dawntoya Thomason and Stephanie Daulong.

Megan Wright (20) who is here with her little brother Dawson (a kid I really like) because their parents are divorced. Dawson believes his sister will be the next American Idol. Megan goes with “To Make You Feel My Love” and it was good. There was no wow moment but I was not running from the room. The judges clearly heard something I did not because they were patting themselves on the back about how spectacular she is. Dawson is happy because he gets a trip to Hollywood.

Ryan explains besides being on a very high roof he also found new jobs. Cue montage of Ryan delivering concessions and hanging with the Dallas cheerleaders.

Vanessa Johnson (22) demonstrates a very positive attitude about everything and she is here to realize her dream. Vanessa decides to torture us all with “At Last” and honestly, I thought my television was going to blow up and my eardrums were shattering. This was the fingernail down the blackboard moment of the night. Simon tells her she is the nightmare, which keeps him up at night. Vanessa is not going to Hollywood after all but takes the news in an upbeat positive way.

Ryan feels it is necessary to defend Simon so we cue a montage of Simon’s reactions over the last nine seasons of auditions. Ryan tells us it is hard being Simon Cowell.

Day 2 is ending and the final contestant of the day Christian Spear (16) is a cancer survivor. Christian was diagnosed with leukemia at the age at 4 years old and when she was eight was officially in re-mission and has been for the last 8 years. Christian auditions with “All I Can Do is Cry” and this was an awesome audition. Christian shows impressive control for someone who is only 16. She really can sing well. With words of praise including, “you are really, really good”, “confident”, “natural gift”, and “no fear” Christian is heading to Hollywood.

Day 2 finds 17 contestants with a golden ticket bring Dallas’s total to 31.

During tonight’s episode, we had a chance to see nine successful auditions which certainly is an improvement over last night.

Well it is a wrap for Dallas and there is one final audition stop next Tuesday in Denver, Colorado. The producers tease us with a clip of what appears to be a completely naked auditioner.

Until next week…

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

AI 9 1-26-10 Los Angeles

Wow, it is 6:57 a.m. in Hollywood while Ryan conducts his radio show while across town 11,000 hopefuls line up at the Rose Bowl hoping to be the next big superstar! LET US GET IT STARTED – this is Los Angeles and THIS is AMERICAN IDOL!

Cue video montage of Hollywood being the epicenter for stardom for the last 100 years and it appears LA was showing American Idol the love – NOT!

Avril Lavigne is the guest judge for day one. I enjoy Avril’s music but what is up with a 25 year old dressing like a 15 year old. What is up with her outfit? I have a bad feeling about tonight.

Time to get on with my snide remarks, wait, I mean my rather thoughtful critic of the evening’s show.

Day One

Hollywood provides us glitz and glamour but will Neil Goldstein (19) live up to the hype. Neil explains he has an IQ of 168 and is a big geek who reads books, is WAY into computers along with music and dancing. I swear his introduction was longer than “War and Peace”. I was seriously going to toss my cookies with his inane prattle. Neil goes with “Rock and Roll Dreams Come True”, really, Meatloaf, hell Meatloaf has trouble with his own songs. This was an absolute waste of time. Simon simply should have called for security to give Neil a dose of reality. Neil’s parents should have seen him dragged out in handcuffs to they can see what enabling their son has wrought!

It is now 10:00 a.m. and the golden tickets remain within the vault.

Jim Ranger (27) is a married worship pastor with three kids who is here to realize a dream and to support his family. Jim is going with an original number and Ronald is cringing. Do these contestants never watch the audition episodes? The title of the song is “Drive”. The song itself was not good but Jim has a good voice buried in there. This was an okay audition but nothing said wow to me. The judges seemed to like his voice. I will give Avril some credit telling him he will have to travel and leave his family behind if he becomes a pop star and votes no! Divine intervention is at work because Jim is going to Hollywood.

Time for our next video montage which commences with Simon telling Avril he likes having the devil on the show which then moves to a collection of contestants getting the thumbs down on their way to nowhere.

Damien Lefavor who is both a martial artist and a pacifist and I should care why - whoopee! Damien is choosing a Righteous Brother’s song but does not remember the title – this will not end well. The judges help him and we are all set to hear “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”. It was a terrible waste of time. Damien can return to his day job preparing sandwiches.

We require more filler so cue montage about little kids who tag along and have the best voices, i.e. they adore their parents. We teach enabling at a very young age.

Mary Powers (28) has an eight year old who predicts her mother will be going to Hollywood (it is only across town after all) and be in the top 14 (how precious – NOT!). Mary let me explain there comes a time where you have to give up the cliché bad girl look and nearing 30 is the time. Mary chooses “Love is a Battlefield” and does a decent job. She has good pitch and there is strength in her voice. Simon likes her voice as does Avril and Randy. Mary receives her golden ticket. Wow is Ryan bringing in Mary’s daughter to meet Simon – I did not see this coming says Ronald sarcastically. Mary tells Simon her daughter is as cynical as he is and Ryan explains she likes Simon because he is so mean causing Simon to retort “Are you sure this is not my daughter?

We are nearing the end of day one as we cue montage of Adam Lambert imitators trying for the golden ticket from every audition city. Our last contestant is A. J. Mendoza (20) who brags of sending Adam a demo with Adam telling him how great he is – give me a freaking break! A. J. chooses “Cult of Personality” and neither sings as if he has one or provides any spark of one. This audition was the worst so far and we are only half way through the hour. Here is yet another contestant who does not listen and keeps begging for a chance to perform something else. A.J. receives four thumbs down yet still believes in his delusion he is talented.

I abhor violence yet right now have a desire to track down tonight’s director, producer and editor and destroy them for wasting my time. We are half way through yet have only seen two contestants receive their golden tickets – WTF!

Day 2

Welcome back as the sun rises over Los Angeles with a new guest judge. Katy Perry is joining the table with Avril off looking for her new Skater Boi! Katy explains she will be brutally honest and tells us it is ridiculous the other judges are arriving via helicopter. Katy you are jealous just admit it!

Will today’s contestants be able to put their best foot forward? It is time to find out.

Austin Fullmer (19) explains there is not anyone on the show who is like him sexually. Who cares, this is a freaking singing contest you idiot. Austin goes with “Surrender” and I ran for the hills doing just that. Austin’s performance is ridiculous. Austin certainly knows how to “suck”. You dear readers will see the dirty pun I am sure. Simon tells him to shut up and leave as “you are beginning to freak me out.”

This leads to our next video montage of contestants who receive rejection well – NOT with Cheap Trick’s “I Want You to Want Me” playing in the background.

Andrew Garcia (23) is another young dad whose family moved away from Compton so their children would not grow up to be gang members yet the father and son were sporting some interesting gang tattoos. The surprise here is Andrew’s audition is awesome. Andrew really can sing and has excellent control of his voice as well. I definitely saw a spark in this audition. Andrew receives great praise from the judges including “only person they’ve seen today who is a genuinely good singer,” “good song choice”, “you knew what to emphasize and what not to,”, and “you have mad vocals.” Andrew is going to Hollywood.

We are approaching 4:00 p.m. on day two and there have been no women receiving golden tickets as we cue montage of some horrible auditions.

Tasha Layton (26) is a personal assistant during the day while ministering during the night. Tasha goes with “Baby, Baby, Baby” by Joss Stone and she has a decent voice. There was no wow factor but I also did not go screaming out of the room in pain. The judges heard or saw more than I did as Tasha is heading to Hollywood.

Jason Greene (21) who believes in magic while apparently going back in time to steal an outfit from the 70’s? To give Jason Greene some credit he pulled the look off but that was it. I guess tonight is all about sex with Jason choosing “I Touch Myself” as his signature song and the entire performance was creepy and his voice was my fingers down the blackboard moment of the evening. The entire flirting banter was causing me to be nauseous in a major way. The judges save America by passing on Jason with the women indicating, “They feel dirty”! The producers should be heading for the hills at this moment if they wish to survive to irritate me again.

Imagine it is 6:15 p.m. while we cue montage of Katy and Kara going at it as “Hot and Cold” plays underneath which is so creative – NOT! It appears tempers are short and LA seems to be experiencing a shortage of superstars!

Chris Golightly (25) is the last contestant of the day but he is used to being along. Chris has been in the foster program since 18 months old and has lived with over 25 families. Chris explains music brought him security. My first thought is what is up with the Justin Guarini hairdo and the big chain hanging on his pants. Chris goes with “Stand by me” and has a decent voice but needs some lessons and experience in performing. Chris has a bad habit, which I hate in singers, which is keeping your eyes closed for the majority of the number. There needs to be a connection with the audience Chris. Once again, I see some promise but the audition created no wow moment for me. Randy likes him, Kara tells him you are one of my favorites, and you have enough talent and enough of a story to connect with the audience. Katy Perry brings us some reality with “This is not a Lifetime movie”. Katy and Simon give a small “y” while Kara and Randy give a big huge “y”. Chris is heading for Hollywood.

Day 2 ends with a montage of contestants going to Hollywood while the producers do not bother providing names. In total 22 received the golden ticket to travel across LA to Hollywood.

In my opinion, this was the worst and most boring audition episode bar none from the entire nine seasons. There are 22 contestants heading to Hollywood and we get exposure to only five, which is ridiculous.

That is Los Angeles!

Tonight the Idol Rodeo is heading for Dallas to see “How the West was won”! There are two guest judges paying a visit including Neil Patrick Harris and one of the Jonas Brothers (they all look alike to me but I do not remember their names although I believe it is the oldest brother).

Until tomorrow…

Saturday, January 23, 2010

AI 9 1-20-10 Orlando

On 8/12/09, the space shuttle launches while American Idol is visiting Florida. Cue the theme music from the World of Disney as Orlando is the place where 10,000 delusional, wait, I mean hopeful people want to launch their chance to have their dreams come true.

There are 10,000 people waiting to audition but where are the judges. Ryan, Randy, and Simon are boarding a plane in Miami after some fun in the sun along with some all night partying. Will they make it in time? The suspense is killing me – NOT!

Kara is ready to rumble and since guest judge, Kristin Chenoweth is ready to go the “girls” bond and become lifelong BFF’s. How sweet! There doing everything together.

Cue the introduction montage of Kristin Chenoweth the darling of the America Stage. Kristin has won a Tony and an Emmy – Bitch! Kidding I adore Kristin and she has a powerful voice. I was lucky enough to see her in “Wicked”. She was on one of the most underrated shows “Pushing Daisies” and recently was a guest star in an episode of “Glee”.

Well this blog is not about Kristin so I need to move on to dishing the episode. What is wrong with me, I mean evaluating the contestants.

Day 1

Theo Glinton (22) attired in sequins on top of wearing miniature mirrors and glitter over half his face. Theo feels beautiful and will clearly dazzle the judges. I see train wreck ahead for us all. Simon asks Theo where he will be in ten years with Theo enthusiastically replies running a corporation of hair salons. I thought we were here to find the next American Idol. Theo is going to give us the ole razzle-dazzle via “Heartbreaker”. Gracious what is that loud screaming, oh yes, it is Theo singing? The tone of his voice was irritating. The judges say no but at least we know Theo has another career to fall back on.

We have an hour to fill so let us cue another montage of how much fun Kara and Kristen are having annoying Simon who is a bit weary after partying in Miami. This montage includes more people walking out without their golden ticket. It appears Orlando has hit a rough spot.

Seth Rollins (28) has two children; Samuel who is five has autism and nine-month-old daughter Faith. Seth loves his son but with this diagnosis, things are hard for the family. He would like to afford special care for his son. Please tell me the producers are not exploiting Samuel for maximum sympathy by showing him throwing a tantrum and crying because he cannot go with his dad into the audition room. I say shame, shame, and shame. Seth is auditioning with “Someone to Watch over Me” and surprise, surprise has a nice, rich voice. I love the tone and he really has control. Seth was rather dull but he can learn performance skills. The judges were very enthusiastic with “you made it your own”, “I want to keep hearing you”, and “you know who you are”. Seth is heading to Hollywood.

Cue more filler montage as we “wish upon a star” as we reach for our golden ticket.

Jermaine Purifoy (24) is here for another chance at the golden ticket after failing to make it through during season 7 but he knows what he wants. Jermaine tackles Tony Bennett but I did not catch the song title. I thought he had a nice voice but I was not wowed by it or anything. Jermaine demonstrated a good range though. The judges disagree with me with praise including “pure, seamless sound”, “best we have heard all season”, and “has an honest voice”. Jermaine is heading to Hollywood.

It is 7:00 p.m. on day one with one final contestant waiting for their chance. Shelby Dressel (18). I guess her mother loved “Steel Magnolias”. Shelby was born with an undeveloped seventh cranial nerve so the right side of her face is paralyzed leaving her unable to smile normally. Shelby tells us she is very nervous. Shelby chooses “Turn Me On” and she has a very nice voice. She was on pitch and had great enunciation. Shelby clearly was nervous. There was a lack of excitement in the audition at least until she forgot the words and swore. Kristin believes she has potential and Randy thought she was cool. Simon says yes with a small “y” while Randy, Kara, and Kristin say yes as well.

Day 1 ends with 18 people getting golden tickets while we see only three. What is wrong with this picture?

As we move to commercial cue the montage of unnamed contestants waving their golden tickets.
Day 2

New York beckons Kristin so there will be no guest judge. I wanted to hear Kristin sing.

Jay Stone (25) goes with “Come Together” and is “beat boxing” and it was getting annoying and frankly was all over the place. I did not like it at all. Kara loved Jay and immediately says yes while the other judges are on the fence. Jay then sings “Ain’t No Sunshine” and Ronald sat up and listened. When Jay just sang he had a wonderful rich tone and had perfect pitch. Simon votes no but Kara convinces Randy so Jay is heading to Hollywood.

Cue video montage while we “get our party on” which includes a quick shot of three women getting their golden tickets. They were Janell Wheeler, Brittany Starr James and Kasi Bedford.
Cornelius Edwards (24) explains he learned some moves from his exotic dancer friends. Corny goes with “Proud Mary” and all I can say is this was not the worst I have heard. I did not like his voice but he was keeping on pitch. During his performance he does the splits which was amazing, however, he ripped his pants with the move causing the judges to start laughing and apparently they were losing oxygen because he gets three yeses and is going to Hollywood. Excuse me!

Wow, how unique, two sisters are auditioning together – NOT! These two sisters from Jersey are the living, breathing examples of why I detest MTV’s “Jersey Shore”. They do performances every morning and work in a salon. They explain to the judges that they are both equally talented. Bernadette DeSimone (27) goes with “Hit the Road Jack” and is okay but I would not rush out to purchase a CD. Amanda DeSimone (23) clearly does not watch the show or read my blog because she goes with Whitney’s “I Wanna Dance with somebody” but for me it was like “I want to hurl but quick”! Poor Amanda could not find the pitch if it hit her on the side of the face. Torture is my word of the night! WTF the judges are passing them on to Hollywood. The DeSimone sisters are going down in Hollywood.

Jarrod Norrell (28) explains he needs energy and enthusiasm to survive the judges, which is the exact opposite of his demeanor. Jarrod sings, oh wait, butchers “Amazing Grace. Jarrod is bad with a freaking capital B! I laugh as Kara tells him he sounds like a lawn mower and is clearly upset with the judges. Poor Jarrod refuses to leave and wants more time to murder the song. Security finally arrives to escort him out but still he refuses forcing them to take him out in a very unpleasant manner as we watch him on the ground in handcuffs. Poor Jarrod needs treatment of some sort.

We are reaching the end of day two, it is 6:00 p.m. and we get more filler video about Orlando being the “City of Hope”.

Matt Lawrence (25) left home at the age of 15 for “adventure” finding it while robbing a bank with a BB gun ending in prison missing four birthdays. (Matt can go visit Jarrod and explain the ropes). Matt wants a chance to redeem himself before his family. Matt sings “Trouble” and Ronald is happy because finally we have a contestant who can sing and that is sing with a capital S. I thought Matt’s voice was wonderful and what freaking control he has over his instrument. Matt has talent and the judges sing his praises with “brilliant”, “you can really, really sing”, “authentic”, “believable”, “genuine”, and “loving the controlled high notes”.

Our time in Orlando concludes with 31 receiving their golden ticket and we see 12. What is up with this picture?

Ryan reminds us Orlando is truly “the happiest place in the world”.

“LA we love it” is our motto for next week when American Idol returns home with guest judge Katy Perry.

Until next week and I hope to be more timely with my reviews.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

AI 9 1-19-10 Chicago

We are setting foot in the jewel of the Mid-West or the Windy City and the contestants simply blew us away with their warm welcome – NOT! This cues montage of would be delusional contestants being “bleeped” as they explain how they have been robbed. I find this a little scary as I see a night full of ridiculous individuals vying for their 15 minutes of fame.

American Idol is working it Chicago Style for the third time, we started in Season 1, returned in Season 5 and now are visiting again for Season 9. Chicago had the largest turn out of any of the auditioning cities with over 12,000 grabbing for their golden idol to Hollywood.

Cue montage about Chicago being the home of the president and footage of his acceptance speech last November. What this has to do with American Idol escapes me, oh, I see, it was a lead up to have footage of everyone shouting, “Yes we can”. This just falls flat and is a waste of time.

Cue video introduction of guest judge Shania Twain who has sold over 65 million albums, won 5 Grammy awards, and was the artist to push the boundary between country and pop. Shania provides too much information explaining if she was one of the contestants today she would just pee her pants and indicates she did that once. Excuse me I could have gone without this bit of information. Yet I still adore Shania!

We then cut to Simon indicating why it is so dark in here and we need to shed some light as he tries to move the curtains back and then we are in the audition room with the lights shining brightly.

I see time waster and so on with the gossip, excuse me, critics of the auditions.

Day 1

Katelyn Epperly (19) is now from a broken home. Come on really, is this pushing the boundaries of what should be a good sob story. Katelyn’s mother explains her husband just left them and it has been hard on them ever since. Katelyn states her parents have always come together to all of her performances but not now. Cry me a river. This opportunity could change their lives. Katelyn you need to do something about your ugly roots and messy hair, it might help. Katelyn goes with “Syrup and Honey”. I was not blown away but over all she had, a nice voice but there was nothing magical, I did not stop everything to listen, it was just blah, not bad but no wow. The judges clearly heard something I did not using terms like “potential”, “unique voice”, “voice of someone who could have a hit song”, etc. I am not buying it but Katelyn receives her golden ticket.

Cue montage of some strange person explaining all the various names Chicago goes by. I should care why this is just useless filler. I want to hear singing Mr. Producer!

Amy Lang (16) or has she is called “Broadway Baby”. Wow more useless filler as we get some ridiculous video of how Amy has a thing for Ryan – WTF! I am so happy to learn Ryan was Amy Lang’s first celebrity sex dream participant – excuse me can we say inappropriate at any age but 16. This is not looking good. Amy chooses “Dr. Feelgood” as her audition song and then promptly faints – just put me out of my freaking misery now. Surprise, Amy was just faking going for a dramatic start and then proceeds with a performance, which is beyond ridiculous. Again more inappropriate discussions with a 16 year old because she “boob boxes”. Do I have to say WTF again? Amy is going home empty handed. Ronald simply breathes a sigh of relief.

Cue another montage about family support of the contestants or as I refer to them annually as enablers!

Charity Vance (16) sings for the customers of her parent’s hair salon, which they run from their home. She really wants this and if she gets it promises to “go crazy” on us. Charity chooses “Summertime” and for me her voice was annoying in sound but will give her credit for being on pitch and adding some vocal enhancements but there is no way I could buy a CD and listen to it because I would go mad. The judges disagree with me saying “impressive”, “unique”, and “great range”. Charity is going to Hollywood and Ronald shakes his head in amazement.

Wow let us cue the next montage of horribly bad singers while using music from the show “Chicago”. This is really irritating me big time.

Ryan advises us we are reaching the end of day one and only four golden tickets have been awarded and there is one contestant remaining.

Angela Martin (28) is trying out for the third time. I remember her from the last two seasons. Angela has the special needs daughter, which she explains Shriners Hospital will be taking care of her daughter to age 21. Last year she had to drop out because of a traffic violation. Angela goes with “Just Fine” and Angela was fantastic. She has excellent control of her voice. Definitely, the best voice I have heard tonight so far. The judges give her a resounding yes.

Cue montage of the other contestants who get a golden ticket but once again no names are assigned to them.

Day 2

We open with another montage about Chicago and the largest number of contestants searching for their big dream.

Curly Newbern (26) sings in a rather high voice, which was clearly the fingernail down the blackboard experience of the evening. Curly leaves even before the judge’s vote!

Alannah Halbert (19) also has a very high voice and for some strange reason the judges try to help her out by getting her to start lower and then build. I suppose having a master class with Shania, Kara, and Randy would be exciting but Alannah simply looks confused and just cannot perform. We are wasting time on this why. It is a no for Alannah.

Our next montage and how artistic to handle it like an old-fashioned silent movie since no one has received a golden ticket yet but now the next contestant will be adding a little color to Chicago – NOT!

Brian Krause was allegedly in the service and all he wanted to do was sing for the troops to inspire them but he ran into trouble with his sergeant. It appears his sergeant was perceptive when it comes to talent. Brian goes with “Tip Toe through the Tulips” and let us just say I had my second fingernail down the blackboard moment multiplied by 1,000! This totally sucked the big one. The whole thing was weird and Brian leaves with no golden ticket.

Cue our next montage while we move full speed ahead because we are pumped up – NOT!

Harold Davis is ready to “fight for the glory”, “shoot off like a rocket” because the champion is here. Harold is tired of eating microwave food and wants steak! Harold is just freaking atrocious and clearly does not have what is needed to survive in this business and he breaks down and cries a river of tears while leaving the judge’s room.

Chantelle Graczkowski totally murders “The First Cut is the Deepest” which causes Kara to reference Shania’s song “That Don’t impress me much”.

Surprise, surprise let us cue the montage of horrible singers with Shania singing in the background. A little more creativity would be nice.

John Park (20) who applies for college focusing on singing/music, which his parents were very upset with him because they want him to get a degree he can get a job with. Give me a break! John goes with “More then you’ll ever know” and Ronald is impressed. I really liked the tone of his voice; he shows control and fantastic pitch. Luckily, John gets the golden ticket he deserves.
Paige Dechusse (21) has severe asthma and she almost died at the age of 15 but because her parents had music playing while she was in a coma, she survived. The family was able to ride to the auditions in a limo supplied by grandma and hopes for a party on the way back. Paige chooses “A Change is Gonna Come”. Paige was the best of the evening so far. She has a great voice and she changed this song up and made it her own. I really liked this performance and look forward to hearing more. Paige gets an enthusiastic yes from all the judges.

Cue quick montage of three men getting to go to Hollywood but there was not enough of the performance to really judge but at least we saw names. They were Justin Ray (20), Keith Semple (27) and Marcus Jones (18).

We must leave Chicago now where a lucky 13 are going to Hollywood to chance their dreams.

I found tonight’s episode to be a nightmare. If there were only thirteen people out of 12,000 who earned a chance to go to Hollywood, why not let us hear all of them.

Orlando is the next audition city.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

American Idol opens with a pop quiz. Which city has American Idol visited 5 times; seen the likes of Fantasia, Clay Aiken, and Jennifer Hudson while also being the birth place of host Ryan Secrest? The answer is ATLANTA!

Cue video montage of Hotlanta with a crowd of 10,000 Idol hopefuls on hand for their chance at the golden ticket to Hollywood.

Mary J. Blige or the “Empress of Soul” is our guest judge of the evening. Mary J explains she will be an honest judge but not so rigid.

The twist for the contestants in Atlanta is they must ride a glass elevator to the 27th floor in order to visit our judges. This might not be a good idea given some of the deluded weirdoes who try out; does America really want to see someone take a nosedive out of a glass elevator?

I am afraid about tonight’s episode. Let us start gossiping oh I mean evaluating the contestants.

Day 1:

Dewone Robinson (27) who indicates with confidence that musical talent is running in his blood because his great uncle Clyde discovered Gladys Knight and Pips while another relative is a drummer, Motown Bob. Dewone made up a song and his family liked it so he will be performing this song for the judges. What is up with these contestants? Do they not watch the show or the audition episodes? Contestants singing their own original songs never get through. This has to be bad. The name of the song is “Lady, We’re Not Together Anymore” and after hearing him sing I understand completely as to why. I was actually laughing hysterically during this performance and the reactions of the judges especially Mary J was priceless. Poor deluded Dewone was not listening to the judges and continued to either mumble incoherently or continued to sing with his strange voices with Randy finally calling for security. This was just a waste of time.

Keia Johnson (26) entered a Miss America contestant but ended up only with a Miss Congeniality prize so there was ridiculous filler about her not getting the “good looking” prize. Once again, a contestant who does not pay attention to the rules, you do not sing Celine Dion numbers but we are stuck hearing “My Heart Will Go On”. I personally thought this was marginal at best. There were moments her voice sounded fine but all the ridiculous affectations she was throwing in were aggravating. If she lost some of those there might be potential. The judges certainly heard something, which I did not as Keia, is going to Hollywood.

Ryan advises Atlanta is sizzling and we see a clip video montage of three women who receive a golden ticket to Hollywood but the clips were short so I have no idea if these women are any good. They are Miriam Lemnouri (25), Noel Reese (16) and Tisha Holland (16).

Jermaine Sellers (26) is a church singer and has been taking care of his mom since he was 17. While the back-story does not really move me I like Jermaine’s personality, however, this does not extend to his singing ability. Jermaine auditions with “One of Us” and I like how he changed it up and admit he has nice tone, excellent pitch, but again he was way over the top in affectations and do not get me started on the wildly acrobatic vocal ending. The judges’s fall over themselves praising him with “best they’ve seen so far in all cities”, “incredibly controlled”, and “love it”. I was left somewhere in the middle. I think there is a good voice in there but it was covered up with everything else it was lost.

Cue montage of contestants riding the elevator 27 floors with good news yet we do not even get to see their names.

Christy Marie Agronow (25) or the 411 girl. Christy is the host and producer of the “411 the Show” and if one more person imitated her signature move I was going to scream. I found her obnoxious from the very beginning. Christy goes with “Love is a Battlefield”. Personally, Christy’s performance was a battlefield for the audience who is left feeling as if they lived through some type of disaster never to recover. Poor Christy did not take the rejection well and she was bleeped out of the building screaming there was one show she would not promote and complaining that even strangers applaud when she sings. They are most likely applauding to drown out the noise!

Cue the montage of the 411 for contestants having the long ride down the elevator after receiving a no from the judges.

Our final contestant for day one is Vanessa Wolfe (19) from Vonore, Tennessee wearing a pink dress, which cost her $4.50 at the Dollar Store. She paid too much for that outfit. I found this amusing because I would think if the name of the store is Dollar then everything would be a dollar but this must not be the case. I may receive hate mail and I detest stereotypes but Vanessa is a walking/talking example of white trailer trash! Poor Vanessa does not go to the movies or the mall and feels trapped in her hometown yet she was able to make her way to Atlanta. For excitement, she likes to jump from bridges. Vanessa needs to see a dentist immediately because it was scary to look at her when she was talking let alone singing. Vanessa is a true country woman and goes with “Wagon Wheel”. I was not impressed, I found her voice annoying, and her enunciation sucked! The judges were kissing themselves over their discovery presenting her with a golden ticket to Hollywood. WTF! Thankfully, Vanessa gave me the best laugh of the evening because she is going to get on an “air-o-plane to Hollywood” and eat “air-o-plane peanuts.” I am telling you trailer trash!

Day 2:

Cue montage of the crew setting up and an enthusiastic crowd queuing up at 6:30 a.m. in the morning as Ryan blabs about how people try out to change their lives and to turn their luck around which cues the back-story for our first contestant.

Jessie Hamilton (26) has apparently almost died three times in his life. Jessie and Vanessa should get married and they would be the perfect white trash trailer couple. I do not offend easily but the cheap dramatization of Jessie’s near death experiences almost crossed the line and were not required. Mr. Producer this was major overkill for what will clearly be a train wreck anyway. Poor Jessie froze and then forgot the words to the Garth Brooks song he wanted to sing “The River”. Mary J. was trying to keep from laughing which she could not so Kera was trying to help her out by saying she was emotional, give me a break. Randy finally suggested “If Tomorrow Never Comes” which he went with. Let us just say it was exceptionally bad! Jessie takes the news well but the producers simply cannot leave well enough alone and go out of their way to make the appearance Jesse is having multiple near death experiences. I was not amused. This was too much of a time waster when I would rather hear the talented sing.

Cue montage explaining while Idol allows instruments in the live performances they are banned from the auditions and we needed this to introduce our next contestant – Guitar Girl.

Holly Harden (20) dressed up as a guitar including some stupid sunglasses. You have to see it to believe it. My on-line blogger friends advise me Holly had previously been on “America’s Got Talent” in 2008 and made it to Vegas but was then eliminated quickly. I found her annoying and her speaking voice is a finger nails down the blackboard experience. We have another would be country artist and she goes with “You Ain’t Woman Enough to Take my Man” and for some strange reason her singing voice is deeper and richer. I was not wowed but on the other hand, it was not horrible. I am not sure what to make of her but Simon gives her a yes, Kara finds her “ballsy” and “I hear talent” and says yes with Randy following suit. Mary J Blige says no but Holly is heading to Hollywood.

Cue the next montage of lousy male singers passing through. We do learn their names including Lathan Davenport, Hansel Enriquez and Blake Smith with his “Britney Spears changed my life” t-shirt. This was very brief and I was thankful.

Mallorie Haley (20) from Winner, South Dakota so I am sure you can see the pun coming performs “Piece of My Heart” and she was good. She was exceptional compared to Vanessa or Holly. She had excellent control, was on pitch, and had great enunciation. Additionally she had a pleasant personality and no strange quirks jumping out at you. The judges unanimously gave her a golden ticket. Here is the pun – Will the girl from Winner be the winner of American Idol?

Cue our next montage of contestants receiving a golden ticket yet remain nameless and it is only noon.

Antonio “Skii Bo Ski” Wheeler (22) who has his hair shaved with the American Idol logo which is too over the top for me. Mr. Wheeler cannot spell because his alias is wrong on his jacket. Mr. Wheeler has exceptionally poor enunciation and spoke gibberish. Antonio goes with “I Heard It through the Grapevine.” I did not like anything about the performance or his persona. Simon hated it, Kara was impressed, Mary J likes his voice but his image needs to match, and Randy wants him to lose the nonsense. “Skii” is going to Hollywood.

Cue montage about all the time the contestants have waiting for their opportunity with the judges and we learn about best friends Lauren and Carmen. They were freaking annoying. They have been BFF’s since the third grade spending every weekend together and have no concerns about being split apart. This is not going to end well. While they entered the judge’s room together, they auditioned separately.

Lauren Sanders (18) or as Simon refers to her “Miss Annoying” is up first. I have no clue as to what she was singing and it does not matter because she was terrible.

Carmen Turner (19) was marginally better but I still am not impressed.

Simon prefers Carmen to Lauren but feels they should be a group because they are funny together but boring apart. Simon votes no to both but the other judges say no to Lauren but yes to Carmen – oh, my they are not going to Hollywood together. Carmen got her golden ticket yet cries while Lauren says it does not matter, BFF’s forever and she will support her friend. Whatever!

Cue a new montage of three southern belles with no names singing poorly and are going home empty handed while Simon ends up with a headache and misses the next few auditions.

Bryan Walker (25) who is a police officer in Sevierville, Tennessee but wants to chase a dream. Bryan goes with “Superstar” and I found he has a rich and soulful voice and manages to do a good job. The judges are impressed and Bryan is going to visit Hollywood.

Lamar Royal (20) is most excited to meet Mary J Blige. In addition promises on camera to respect the opinions of the judges and looks forward to constructive criticism. As if, I can see it coming and yes dear readers more puns are on the way. Mr. Royal goes with “Kiss from a Rose” which is difficult enough for Seal and this was a complete “royal” mess. I agree with Randy who said it was “torturous”. Guess what while the judges were trying to provide constructive criticism Mr. Royal reacts badly and tries to talk/yell over them, continues to sing, and makes a total ass out of himself. Security comes to escort him out of not only the judge’s room but also the hotel itself while all the time Mr. “Royal” pain simply keeps swearing. A real classy person – NOT!

There is one final contestant and Simon mysteriously returns for “General” Larry Platt who is 62 and is most definitely over the age limit. General is here to perform an original song “Pants on the Ground”. I was impressed he was able to do the splits but this was a waste of my time. This is all a set up which goes on much too long so all the contestants going to Hollywood can be filmed from up high in the lobby singing the chorus of this stupid song along with the stupid movement, please!

In the end, 25 contestants from Atlanta are on their way to Hollywood. No contestant wowed me during this audition episode.

Next Tuesday we are off to Chicago and guest judge Shania Twain.

I will be in Memphis next week flying home on Thursday so my commentaries will most likely arrive on Friday. I apologize for the delay.

Until next week…

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

AI 9 1-12-10 Boston

Welcome back to another season of American Idol. It has been 236 days since the season 8 finale. Yes, I have been counting the days waiting for this moment.

To borrow the lyrics from the cancer survivor contestant – It is a new dawn, it is a new day, it is a new life and I am feeling good! Okay I am freaking excited about the return of the new season and doing my little happy dance.

Right through the first week of voting my viewing will be by tape as I have rehearsals every night as the production I am in opens on February 26 but I will not let it interfere with my American Idol obsession.

Our new season begins with clips from last season’s finale. Interesting how Ryan refers to Kris Allen as the new Idol while Adam is a new star. Are we listening America?

Paula is gone from the show and during the auditions, eight guest judges will provide coverage. Ellen joins the judge’s panel for Hollywood.

Ryan exclaims this is a “New Beginning” and each year we get bigger/better and the talent this year will blow you away. My reaction is whatever!

Our contestants come from every corner of the country, every walk of life and are trying to make their dream come true one song at a time. We are not ten minutes into the program and I want to toss my cookies, this may be a bad sign.

Our auditions begin in Boston with a crowd of over 9000 hopefuls willing to stand in the rain for their chance at a golden ticket to Hollywood.

Cue the next video introducing tonight’s guest judge “Posh” Victoria Beckham or as one contestant elegantly stated, David Beckham’s wife! Is it just me or did she look rather haggard on the first day of auditions. I thought she looked terrible and do not get me started on her outfit.

On with the heart of the matter, which is to dish oh, I mean evaluate the contestants.

Day 1:

Janet McNamara is the first contestant and wow given she has been training using the American Idol karaoke game there is no question what a fantastic singer she must be – NOT! Janet clearly has no idea how to dress, dance and certainly has no singing ability given the butcher job she rendered on “Pocketful of Sunshine”. The judges politely said no with Janet exciting with grace and style swearing.

Maddy Curtis is the ninth of 12 kids and shamelessly the producers have to bring out Maddy’s brother (number 8) who was born with Down syndrome with the family adopting three other kids with the same condition. Kudos to them but what relevance does it have on whether or not Maddy can sing. It does not but what a wonderful back-story! Maddy has been watching AI since she was eight and is currently 16 years old. Maddy performs “Hallelujah” and has a so-so voice. I was not impressed and I certainly do not understand how the judges were just gushing about her talent. She is a very nice girl but can she survive the cutthroat nature of this competition, I doubt it. Maddy gets her golden ticket.

Next up is Pat Ford who does not know if he is auditioning for “So You Think You Can Dance” with those awful Bob Fosse type moves or “American Idol” since his version of “Womanizer” sucked the big one. Pat was loud, crazy, had horrible enunciation, and was a total waste of time. I did enjoy Randy telling him to “stop singing forever”! Pat leaves without his ticket to Hollywood.

There is a very brief clip of three women getting a pass to Hollywood. They were Jennifer Hirsch (22), Claire Fuller (23), and Jess Wolfe (24). By noon on the first day, only women have received the golden ticket.

Amadeo Dirocco (28) wows the judges with “Hootchie Cootchie Man”. This is a song I luckily have never heard and do not want to hear again. Mr. Dirocco has a huge personality and a huge voice. I simply was not impressed and am unsure why the judges liked him. I would though love to eat a meal prepared by his mother, as I adore Italian cuisine!

Derek Hilton apparently turned to singing during a very depressing time in his life sort of like a spiritual journey. While I embrace and support people finding their center and finding the joy in their life yet singing unfortunately is not the path for Derek. Derek also has several personalities all who made an appearance during his performance of “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word”, all of them had some type of different vocal inflection, and all had horrible enunciation. Luckily, the judges say no and poor Derek is surprised and sad, as he will not be able to touch America. All of America stands up and cheers!

Cue the next montage of multiple contestants getting the bad news where we have tears, anger, and swearing. How can there still be so many deluded individuals in this country?

Mere Doyle (24) simply loves Japanese anime and dreams of being a success in Japan. I ask why does she remain in the United States rather then move to Japan. We are unfortunately subjected to her diatribe about how she treats each audition as if her life depends on it, please enough of this and her stupid kimono! Mere manages to kill her chances with a rotten to the core version of “Piece of My Heart”. I am sure Janis was rolling around in her grave. We have another person who has been enabled since Mere shouts everyone tells her she is wonderful including her family, two vocal coaches, and theater directors (boy I am luckily I didn’t have to sit through those productions).

We then meet two men who are harmonizing in the holding room (please I do not need friends again) and we are shown their quick auditions back to back both of whom are given a ticket to Hollywood. They are Luke Shaffer (24) and Benjamin Bright (25). Their voices were fine but I did not get to hear enough to decide.

Andrew Fenton or attitude/angry guy is next. Andrew complains about everything. The judge’s initial impression is unfavorable and Andrew does not help this situation. Simon tries to ask questions and “Andy” is plain obnoxious and sarcastic. He chooses “House of the Rising Sun” as an audition song and I was bored. There were moments where it sounded fine but overall I was not impressed. Let us just say he really rubbed Kara and Victoria the wrong way with the producers bringing back references/images of the “Bikini Girl” battle. Thankfully, Andrew is out of our lives now.

Ryan explains there are multiple musical conservatories in Boston and we get a montage of people talking about how they went to school for music. Oh joy, this obviously is not going to end well. Bill Bloom (music teacher) and Michael Ryan certainly cannot be the best Boston has and leave empty handed.

Ashley Rodriguez (21) music student finds singing comes from her special place. Ashley tackles “If I Ain’t Got You” and for the first time I actually perked up and really listened. I thought she did a fantastic job. I liked her voice and she had excellent pitch and enunciation. I am sure the producers are drooling over themselves because she is pretty, can sing, and has a great personality. Ashley receives a resounding yes from the judges.

Tyler Grady (19) is a drummer who recently fell out of a tree and severely fractured both arms. The producers could have skipped the medical pictures the casts he was wearing said it all. Tyler goes with “Let’s Get It On” singing seductively to Kara and Victoria who both gush their enthusiasm. Tyler’s voice was okay but he did not wow me but all four judges grant him a ticket to Hollywood.

Day one ends with a montage of contestants with tickets to Hollywood although they apparently have no names. Day one found 17 contestants getting a shot at their dream.

Day 2:

We find Randy and Simon running late while the women are on time. The producers provide filler with Ryan giving us a history lesson on Boston.

Lisa Olivero (24) finds singing a spiritual experience as it allows her the opportunity to express herself. I wonder if the customers she waits on find her singing spiritual. Lisa has confidence telling Simon she is auditioning because she is better than most of the people on the show. This will not end well. Lisa clearly misses my blog and tries to be a diva covering Mariah’s “Vision of Love”. I say no one should mess with my Mariah and Lisa kills the melody and creates my first fingers down the chalkboard moment of the season. I had to put on my CD of Mariah to get this horrible version out of my mind. Lisa leaves empty handed.

Cue the montage of weirdoes who cannot sing or shut up and Simon’s facial expressions are priceless (I will miss them).

Mike Davis (18) who works on a tour boat called “Godzilla” goes with “Yesterday” and for me it was simply good karaoke. Mike was simply boring and does not have any razzle-dazzle. Randy was the only judge to say no which means Mike is going to Hollywood. I hope he enjoys his visit because I do not see him making it to the semi-finals.

Katie Stevens (16) has a grandmother with Alzheimer and she wants her grandmother to see her reach for the stars before she forgets who she is. Please producers enough with these types of back-stories. The question is can Katie sing. I thought her voice was fine but there was nothing special about her rendition of “At Last”. The judges heard more than I did giving her praise after praise.

Jason Blaylock (28) has hit the ceiling of the age restrictions so this is his last chance. Jason goes with “Broken Road” and again all I can say is he was okay. There was no wow moment for me. We then waste time with whether or not he can be assertive by telling Simon to “shut up” and I say who cares. The women find Jason lovely and appear to say yes simply because of that fact. Simon shows pity and says yes and then Randy provides a unanimous vote for a ticket to Hollywood. Please!

Cue the next montage of contestants who suck without anyone being identified (so much for their 15 minutes of fame)!

Justin Williams (27) brings us our next sob story. Justin was diagnosed with cancer (type not identified) seven years ago and is now cancer free. While the back-story is compelling, what Jason has is honest talent. I found his rendition of “I’m Feeling Good” to have the wow factor. Jason has fantastic control of his voice; he was pitch perfect, and had clear enunciation. Jason has the looks, personality and talent. I was happy the judges saw what I did and Justin is heading to Hollywood. This was my favorite audition of the episode.

Norberto Guerrero (18) who seems to be stuck in the ‘80s given his hair and clothing choice totally murders “Every Time We Touch”. He also breaks the cardinal rule of forgetting the lyrics and blames his nerves. Mr. Guerrero will not be visiting Hollywood!

Bosa Mora (22) has a large family with six sisters and one brother. His parents are from Nigeria and are proud of him. Bosa goes with “You Look so Good in Love” and I was bored. There were moments when he sounded okay but I was not impressed. Simon says no while the other three judges overrule him and Bosa is on his way to Hollywood.

Cue another montage of the Boston auditions, blah, blah, and blah – enough with the filler.

Leah Laurenti (22) whose back-story is her parents were very strict and did not allow her to enjoy secular music oh the horror of such an experience! Leah advises through music is how she expresses herself. Leah goes with “Blue Skies”. Leah has an okay voice and good pitch but I certainly do not believe she lives up to the judge’s praise of “really good”, “best of the day”, etc. The hype will be too big and I see Leah ending her journey in Hollywood.

Our time in Boston ends with 32 people grabbing their golden idol to Hollywood. We saw almost half of those and personally, I heard only two, which even sparked my interest.

We next visit Atlanta with Mary J. Blige as the guest judge. Until tomorrow…