American Idol 7 - "Hollywood or Bust" - 2/6/08

Tonight producers are giving us a show of the good and bad auditions which apparently they didn’t have time to fit in the other audition shows as well as stretching out the big Hollywood moment as we move closer to getting the top 24.

We start the show with some very quick clips of some rather horrid auditions.

Luke Reeder is first and I could have done without even the few seconds of “Faith” Luke tried to produce, Luke was a shouter and he couldn’t even shout in tune. Simon indicates it was all mad from the large shirt, the strange eyes, and the horrible singing.

Victor Villegas is trying to sing some tune I couldn’t even guess at. Randy indicates he sounds like a sheep and I have to agree.

Dear readers please prepare as we have another sob story! Amy Davis who is 25 tells us she grew up poor (i.e. lower then lower middle class as she put it) with a single mother and she wants to repay her mother’s hard struggles and change her family’s future. Amy goes with “Blue Bayou” which is at least a change of pace audition song and in my personal opinion I thought she butchered the melody. Simon votes yes with little comment, Randy says he likes the possibility of you, she could do well in Hollywood if she learns a bigger repertoire of songs and changes it up a bit and votes yes. Paula says yes so Amy will be seen in Hollywood. I just totally did not get Amy or why the judges passed her through.

Tiffany McCampbell tells the camera that the Holy Spirit has told her to audition. I am scared already. God gave her a gift and her pastor has encouraged her in this endeavor (I think her pastor is the devil in disguise –sorry I couldn’t resist). We get to watch and hear Tiffany try some vocal exercises because she is trying to train her voice and get the right tone. After the exercises I am convinced more than ever this is not going to end well.

In the audition room Simon asks Tiffany where her vocal talent came from and she advises God. Simon pipes up with God just decided one day to give you this gift. Tiffany goes with “Hallelujah”. Poor Tiffany she was utterly and fantastically off key and her enunciation sucked the big one. Simon retorts with a question. Does God have a return policy? If I was given that I would give it back. I am not being rude but it wasn’t very good. Randy indicates it was not good and Tiffany is returning home without a golden ticket. As if we weren’t all ready tortured enough, she tries singing again out in the waiting room and someone shushes her! My prayers were answered!!!

To protect me from any potential government fines of indecency I am putting in a warning the next audition comments have mature themes as well as the biggest cheesy pandering of any audition story so far.

With the thrilling “Three’s Company” theme song playing in the background we are introduced to the love triangle between twin brothers Chris and Colby Lane and the third member, the completely clueless Miss Ashley Lawing. Ashley is our “Paris Hilton” wanna be with the same type of outfit, haircut, and let’s not forget her little dog too. Put me out of my misery now I am begging you.

Chris and Corey Lane have got to be two of the most disgusting individuals I have encountered. Their cavalier attitude about women, Ashley specifically, and themselves were crud and disgusting. Did we have to hear Corey say his brother gets all his left over’s, PLEASE!

The brothers Lane have chosen to audition with their own created rap song including references to the notorious Brittenum twins. Oh this is going to bad with a capital B. Poor Corey had some serious issues in starting out, he clearly forgot his own lyrics. I don’t like rap to begin with so they lose points with me right away. Their rap was stupid and a total waste of valuable time. Simon advises the audition was amateurish. Paula advises them to work on not falling apart when the forget something but to push through to the end. She felt they were charming together. Randy indicates it is a no for this competition.

Outside the audition room, Ashley is shocked they were not put through as she enters for her own audition with Panda her ugly Pomeranian puppy. The judges just coo over the dog especially Simon who is holding the dog. He threatens to steal Panda and Ashley states he can have anything he wants if he sends her through to Hollywood. Ashley is going to sing “Red High Heels” but advises the judges she is going to insert black because Panda tore up her red ones. Can we get on with this train wreck? There are no words currently in existence to describe how horrible this audition was.

I must insert further comments about our paragon of human beings, the Lane brothers since the producers seen fit to do. While Ashley is murdering musical melodies and the English language the brothers Lane admit Ashley sucks and they only told her she was better than she is just so she would try out. They were bashing a woman they both have been in a relationship and one is still her boyfriend. What is wrong with this picture? Oh I forgot who we were dealing with. They are *&(% jerks!

Inside the audition room Ashley is learning her fate. Simon advises her that he has to be honest; it was excruciating, pure torture. Ashley is in denial and can’t accept the news. Randy tells her it was bad, a no from me. Paula states you are cute, sweet but it is a no. Simon and Randy say yes to Panda going to Hollywood. Simon tells Ashley even Panda wanted to run from the room as she was singing.

Ashley leaves without her golden ticket. We end with a clip of Ashley and Corey indicating they still have each other. All I can hope is after Ashley sees this episode she dumps him brutally after she hears what he was saying about her.

Cardin Lee McKinney is next. What is up with the names these parents stick these kids with? Cardin is 20 years old and is a waitress. Cardin goes with “One Night Only” from Dreamgirls. I did not like the arrangement she used but her voice was okay, it wasn’t anything special but at least she was sang in the right key. Simon states she is a very theatrical singer, not a contemporary recording artist and votes no. Paula says yes because you have a mature voice and you can sing. Randy says yes because I think there is more to you, you can grow.

JoAnne Borgella is next. She is a plus-sized model. I noticed there was no mention of the fact she has already been a reality television winner. She won Mo’nique’s Fat Chance. JoAnne tells us all her life that people have told her she needs to lose weight, but she never lets it bring her down. I did enjoy her positive attitude. JoAnne chooses “I Love You”. What is wrong with these contestants don’t they realize they should never try to conquer Celine Dion. The song was too big for her but I was pleasantly surprised that she managed it as well as she did. JoAnna definitely has a very pleasant vocal tone, she also sang in key and her enunciation was excellent as well. I think she has potential.

Paula indicates you are stunning, beautiful tone, great vocal control, effortless, I love your voice. It was not my favorite song choice but you have a unique sound. Paula votes yes. Randy indicates he was stunned that voice could come out of you, you can sing, but your voice gets small in the upper register. Randy votes yes. Simon says no. JoAnna is heading to Hollywood. Randy and Paula advise she needs to come to Hollywood with different sounds.

Alesha Stelzel is our next contestant and we spend way too much time on someone who doesn’t have a chance to make it to the top 24 but I digress. Alesha the classic platinum blond and trust me she is the walking, living example of the dumb blonde stereotype. To illustrate this further Alesha also decides to tackle Celine with “Surrender”. Alesha was just horrendous; it was definitely my fingers down the chalkboard moment. Simon asks where she sings? Alesha responds she is taking lessons and Simon retorts with her teacher should lose his job. Alesha states people like it when she sings in public, she gets their attention. Simon found the audition to be dreadful, the notes were all over the place, it was painful, and I couldn’t even recognize the song. Randy indicates the song was completely wrong for her; she should have song Dolly Parton. Paula states she has a nice tone (please not in reality) and agrees with Randy.

I was really excited about Alesha getting the boot but unbelievably Paula and Randy tell her to go out and learn a Dolly Parton song and they would let her audition again. I was screaming at the television set NO, NO, NO! Alesha admits she doesn’t know any Dolly Parton songs. There is even more time spent with Alesha we even get Ryan giving Alesha and her mother song ideas. Ryan even sings a few bars and Ryan is a 100 times better than Alesha. Ultimately she goes with “Islands in the Stream” which she had never heard. What planet does this woman live on?

Audition number two finds Alesha announcing her choice of “Islands in the Stream” and she had to think about it for a couple of seconds. Her second audition didn’t win me over. I will admit it wasn’t as bad as the first but she could not be an American Idol and her manner irritates me. Why must I be tortured like this? Paula loves the tone of her voice and votes yes. Randy finds her very sweet, there is pure innocence in her tone (innocence my foot, it is the fact there is only air floating between her ears) and votes Yes. Simon abstains. Simon announces she is going to Dollywood. I did laugh at that retort. Alesha has her golden ticket to Hollywood and I got sick to my stomach. Randy and Paula advised her to learn new songs. After Alesha leaves Simon says he hates to admit it but you were right Paula and the judges have fun with themselves. I just don’t get it!

Next up is a quick audition for Brandi Gregorie who is show stripping off a few articles of clothing while tying to warble through L-O-V-E and Nat King Cole turned over in his grave. Simon indicated the audition ended with the weird striptease. It is a no.

Charles Randy Leviner is shown auditioning and every other word is bleeped out. Simon indicated if the show aired at 3:00 a.m. he might want to try out again. It is a no.

We then spend more useless time with Joshua Moreland aka Jay Smoove (I kid you not). Mr. Smoove is sure he has the WOW factor. Mr. Smoove goes with an original composition “Beautiful Lady”, his singing was overpowered by his ridiculous smarmy routine which included throwing out rose petals and glitter (yes glitter). I tuned out after he was explaining why he was Jay Smoove. Surprisingly I wasn’t Wowed by the audition. That comment is dripping with sarcasm in case you can’t tell.

Simon advises Mr. Smoove if he is being honest the audition was horribly over the top, corny, I hated it. It was revolting. Paula indicates while she appreciated what he brought and found his accoutrements (i.e. glitter and rose petals) special it was a no. Randy indicates you have a voice but you are not ready yet. Poor Jay goes home without his golden ticket.

We then get some ridiculous filler when the judges call in Ryan to sweep up the “accoutrements”. Ryan indicates to the stage hand he doesn’t want to stand in her way. Simon calls his attitude to her as patronizing and proceeds to sweep up for her. Why did we need to spend time on this? I will never understand.

Our next filler montage is a clip of Simon being unable to pronounce contestants names correct. What was the point? Given some of the stupid names these people have been stuck with I completely understand the problem!

Chikezie Eze is next. Mr. Eze tried out last season and didn’t make it but this time he knows he will move forward. Chikezie (need I say more about stupid names?) goes with “All the Woman I Need”. I did like the audition, I thought he had a very pleasant voice and it was just a nice change of pace to hear someone sing on key. Simon finds him interesting but not his voice, after listening to him perform I know all about you (that was a very strange comment). Paula feels he has talent, very interesting voice and votes yes. Randy apparently said yes because Chikezie comes out with a golden ticket.

Our final contestant of the night is Danny Noriega. Danny also tried out last year but fell apart in Hollywood. Danny tells us the experience happened for a reason but now he is here to prove he has what it takes. Paula asks him what he thinks happened last year. Danny feels it was a combination of his nerves and a bad song choice. Danny chooses “Proud Mary” and I liked the audition. Danny does have a good voice and I really liked some of the changes he made to the arrangement. He has great enunciation which is always a plus for me. Simon indicates you have a very good voice and appear more confident. Randy says it was a very good audition, one of the best, you have nice control, and you got a gift. Paula finds him very interesting, you intrigue me, and you don’t expect that voice coming from you. Danny gets a second chance in Hollywood.

After 7 cities and over 100,000 contestants it all comes to a bittersweet ending. Hollywood is next week and we will have our top 24 contestants. I am getting excited because our first opportunity to vote will be on 2/19/08.

Until next week….