AI 9 3-23-10 The Miley Effect

Last week they rocked the Rolling Stones. This week they tackle Billboard’s Number One lists. Who will rise to the top? The pressure is on. This is AMERICAN IDOL!

I see the producers continue with their ridiculous “indulgent rubbish” with the big introduction of the judges and Ryan. TIME WASTER and filler, which is not required. Give more time to the contestants to perform.

The stakes are high for the contestants because only the Top 10 participates in the summer concert tour. We can only hope everyone will bring their A game into play. I am not holding out much hope.

There is additional time wasting with videos about Billboard’s Top 100 lists and a longer introductory video for tonight’s mentor, Miley Cyrus who is in the audience to observe how the contestants fare under her tutelage.

Let us get to dish the dirt about the performances from last night.

Lee Dewyze – “The Letter”

I will give Lee points for the fact he cleans up well. This performance though was stupid and campy but not in fun way. I will admit Lee seemed to be acting as if he was having fun but there was no real personality showing. Lee was acting at having fun. Lee was scared silly and he continues to have the “deer in the headlight” look when facing the audience, which he avoids at all costs. Lee will never make an impact until he is comfortable being on the stage. I was not enamored of the arrangement but Lee presented some decent vocals although there were some sharp moments.

Randy – I like the cool bluesy/soul version of the song. You knocked it out of the box.

Ellen – Initially blabbered on about your favorite pen and finished with my favorite pen is back. (Ellen channeling Paula – it was strange).

Kara – You have raised the bar for yourself. You have never sounded better or looked more comfortable. You have great control over your vocals. You have progressed but you need to believe you are good.

Simon – I was surprised with the choice of song. This was not a “recording performance” and the whole thing seemed corny with all the bouncing around on the stage. You sounded good but you missed my point about having a moment. This performance did not define you as a contemporary recording artist.

Paige Miles – “Against All Odds”

The stupidity of the contestants never fails to surprise me. Clearly, Paige has not watched this show. In the prior eight seasons this song as been poison for everyone who chooses it and each has delivered a performance which misses the point of the lyrics and in addition they could not sing their way out of a paper bag. To my surprise, Paige has topped everyone in the definition of giving the worst performance of any contestant so far in nine seasons. The winner of this title was John Stevens from season three with his excruciating rendition of “Mandy”. I still have nightmares of that performance. John is now at number two and Paige has won the title. Last night if you had opened the dictionary and looked for the definition of horrible singing, you would have found Paige’s picture. Paige’s start in her allegedly strong lower register (Miley you are a fool) was my fingernail down the blackboard moment of the evening and it went downhill from there. Pitchy my ass! The words available in the English language cannot come close to describing how bad this was. Miley you failed to advise Paige one needs breath support to sustain notes and give you the ability to hit the power belting.

Randy – I do not know if you are still having problems with your voice but to be, honest this was terrible. There was nothing about this, which came together.

Ellen – On the positive side, you did not fall down wearing those high heels and you look great. (Ellen just kick her to the curb.)

Kara – I think you stopped competing and listening to the judges. You took on the Mariah version of the song and if you are going to do that, you have to be awesome and you were not. This was your worst vocal and the worst vocal of the season ever.

Simon – Paige how do you feel you did. Paige indicates she struggled with the song and her pitch but she had fun singing it. (If that is Paige’s definition of fun, she must be the life of the party – NOT!). Simon retorts I am glad we are on the same page. It was like there was five Paige’s singing and they were all over the place. I agree with Kara you stopped competing and believing in yourself, which is a shame, because you were so good weeks ago. You are probably in serious trouble tonight.

Tim Urban – “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

Tonight is not going very well and Miley you owe me two hours of my life back and I am so happy your advice to Tim to take risks was so successful – NOT! We had yet another stupid performance. Tim put more energy into his ridiculous bouncing around the stage than with his vocals. Is it just me or did Tim move as if he had a stick up his ass? The mugging and gyrating to his tween audience was making me sick to the stomach. I was ready to lose my dinner but quick. Tim triggered two more of my pet peeves about performing. First, his diction was so sloppy he butchered the words and second his eyes were closed through the majority of the song. The only positive outlook for Tim is Paige was so bad he could have come on stage, sang gibberish, and would still have been an improvement over the prior vocal.

Randy – You need to excite everyone every time you are on the stage. The slide was the most exciting part of the performance. The singing was boring and sounded like bad karaoke.

Ellen – You have fans who love you but this was like an audition for “High School Musical #13”. I did not get it.

Kara – This was like Zac Efron in “Hairspray” (excuse me I love “Hairspray”) but you did not do anything with the melody or to grab your audience.

Simon – I do not think the sliding around was a problem since it distracted from the song so I understand why you did it. The problem was that performance was pointless and silly. You do not seem to be competing. You have zero chance of winning unless you get your act together and try to become a contemporary, relevant performer.

Aaron Kelly – “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”

I guess season nine will go down as one of the worst and the one with the most illnesses ever. Poor Aaron has laryngitis along with tonsillitis. Color me sympathetic – NOT! I was impressed with Aaron’s song choice, which is a rarity for me, and outside of the bridge, the vocals were not horrible. He loses points for screwing up the words but manages to save himself by going for the big power notes. Overall, the performance was a mixed bag but compared to the three prior singers he was like a breath of fresh air in a smoke filled room.

Randy – This was not a perfect performance as there were pitch issues but you came out on stage and sang. You have talent and I am a fan.

Ellen – This was the perfect song choice and I could tell you were sick because you are usually right on pitch (I do not think so). You are talented and I can see the career you could have.

Kara – I agree with Ellen. This was the best song choice of the night. You may have been off one week but you know how to pick a song, which accentuates your strengths. You need more stage presence though.

Simon – This was a very brave choice considering your voice issues but you are making yourself too old-fashioned. There is zero chance you are going home this week.

Crystal Bowersox – “Me and Bobby McGee”

I have crossed the frozen river to hell where Miley is mentoring Crystal. I am still asking why Crystal is here, not recording, and touring. I would purchase her album in a second. The ease at which Crystal performs is beautiful to behold. There are insufficient superlatives to describe how brilliant this performance was which leaves me with freaking AWESOME! I have suffered through an hour of torture to find relief.

Randy – Now America this is how you perform like a star. You came out, slayed the song and sang from your heart. I am so happy.

Ellen – There was nothing wrong with this performance but you seem to be missing a connection with the audience. You may be nervous and shy but you need to take in the audience’s love.

Kara – Last week you said you were thinking too much and tonight I saw you let loose a bit. I would ask you to consider not playing the guitar but just singing.

Simon – I would not change a thing. Up to this moment, we were watching a karaoke competition. I heard Pink sing this song and thought her version was the best one ever and yours was just as good. I have seen you progress over the past few weeks. You are doing your own thing and not being gimmicky. You took a song and nailed it. Your only gimmick is the rug on the stage.

Michael Lynche – “When a Man Loves a Woman”

“Big Mike” has so much natural charisma and poise on the stage. Wisely, Mike understands powerful vocals will capture the audience over boisterous movement. Mike took the stage and uplifted me with the true meaning of the song. This was not a perfect vocal as there were some technical flaws. Yet Mike never falters, covers those flaws with style and with the falsetto at the end nailed the moment. This was fantastic.

Randy – This was not the best vocal or the perfect song choice, but like Crystal, you know who you are. You came out and sang the heck out of it.

Ellen – This was a safe choice but you have a great voice and tone.

Kara – This was technically good but a bit boring, loungy, and overindulgent. I lost the connection with you.

Simon – I agree a little. It was like asking for a scoop of ice cream and then getting 11. I thought the arrangement was horrible. It would have been better if you had just gone with the piano instead of the whole ensemble. You were not able to make the song relevant. The good news is that you have a good voice, are likeable, and you have a ton of charisma.

Andrew Garcia – “I Heard it Through the Grapevine”

The best advice Miley can muster is lose the guitar, please! I think it was an incredibly stupid idea. Andrew without his guitar had him floundering. Andrew did not start well and I saw no real improvement throughout the performance. There was no joy in this performance and I have to admit Andrew has a weak voice. Andrew is unable to sustain a note of any length, which made this whole song sound choppy. The up and down of tonight is driving me crazy.

Randy – This was not good man. It was the wrong song choice and it did not work.

Ellen – I know you have many fans and I hope they vote for you but this was not enough to get people on your side.

Kara – I feel bad, as it seems you are chasing that “moment” but it is not working. I think the show is messing with your head. You seemed like a puppet and you were not moving with your regular swagger.

Simon – I think that perhaps we over-rated your earlier moment as it was just a good rendition of a Paula song. Miley’s advice to lose the guitar was good (I do not think so). You sucked the soul out of the song and ruined one of the greatest pop songs of all time. It was all a bit corny.

Katie Stevens – “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

I was not enamored with Katie’s song choice at all. There are contemporary songs out there, which would make Katie more believable because she is not a “big girl” as referenced by the meaning of this song. While Katie’s vocal performance was a tad better than last week it was not over the top great. The first verse was in tune but then it fell apart completely. This was passable karaoke. My real issue is Katie could not sell this song. The themes are something I would hope she has not experienced and if she has then her emoting sucked.

Randy – This was not your best performance and it was very sharp and pitchy throughout but you listened to us and picked a younger song.

Ellen – I think this was your best performance so far. You keep evolving. You are like the “Dakota Fanning” of American Idol.

Kara – Pop with an R&B leaning is your vibe. This was not perfect as you still have pitch problems. These are the types of songs you should sing.

Simon – I think meeting Miley was the best thing, which could have happened to you since you have a lot in common. You look much better this week than you did in that “pageant horror outfit” a few weeks ago. You are still in a tough place in the competition and you have not figured out who you need to be but this was good.

Casey James – “The Power of Love”

Tonight is totally pissing on my parade. I did not like this performance. It was karaoke in a bar with many drunken people. There was nothing special and Casey did not do anything but a Huey Lewis impersonation. I found it interesting he did not include the tricky key-changing bridge in the snippet he sang. It appears Casey realized he would not be able to pull it off. Casey’s diction sucked as well especially at the end of the phrases, it was simply mush.

Randy – I am a fan and I like your guitar playing. I was not a fan of this song choice but you did it well.

Ellen – I agree about the song choice but this was the best vocal of the night. (EXCUSE ME!)

Kara – I think you could make an album right now. You get better with time. You were in the zone and you need to stay there. (WHAT IS UP WITH THE JUDGES TONIGHT?)

Simon – This is not personal but I am not sure what Kara is listening to. The song was old-fashioned when it came out 25 years ago. This performance was not original and it was like listening to a Huey Lewis cover band.

Didi Benami – “You’re No Good”

Please put me out of my misery now! Didi is annoying me now and she has to go. This song was boring with a capital B. Didi’s pitch was off throughout and the last note was pure torture. The entire performance was excessively campy and not in a fun way. This was amateur night at a coffee shop. This was the worst ear candy so during the commercial I rushed over and grabbed the 45 I have of Linda’s version and put it on to eradicate the noise I just suffered through.

Randy – I love the idea of this but it did not work. It was pitchy all over the place. I like your outfit.

Ellen – I did not get the song choice but I love your voice.

Kara – It felt like you were playing a character. This left me confused.

Simon – It is ironic you are screeching about “you’re no good” repeatedly. This was like a bad part of a musical.

Siobhan Magnus – “Superstition”

Good gracious “WTF” is up with the outfit and the freaking hair. Did Casey create a time warp transporting us back to the 1980’s? Siobhan your vocals will win us over but your fashion and hair choices are causing me to get mad, please never do this again! Putting this behind me Siobhan kicked ass once again with some very impressive vocals. I take issue with her screaming and screeching at the end. This worked for the Rolling Stones but it failed miserably with Stevie Wonder. Siobhan had me throughout the song. There was joy and fun in the performance but she ruined the good feeling with that ending. This does not mean I do not still have mad love for her but she needs to use her pipes with more restraint.

Randy – I loved it. You went for it and showed conviction. You should inspire the other singers.

Ellen – Borrowing from “Oliver” – More Please!

Kara – I like how you express yourself every time you perform which is what I like about you. You have confidence. This was not your best performance but it was still great.

Simon – This is a performance, which will split the audience. The screaming at the end will get gimmicky. You might want to switch it up by doing it at the beginning of the number instead of at the end otherwise it will be predictable and you are not hitting them well.

The overall tone of the show was poor song choices, horrible singing, and the train wreck I had anticipated. Miley as a mentor did not bring anything to the show or the contestants. I will give her kudos for a couple of comments and the fact she actually used the word “pitchy” several times in her video, which has never been uttered by a mentor. Everyone is so talented and wonderful blah, blah, blah.

Outside of Crystal, Siobhan, and “Big Mike” no other contestant got a vote from me.

If we look solely at the performances Paige, Tim, and Andrew should be front and center during the elimination show with Paige singing us out. Unfortunately, I have a sinking feeling about Paige’s fan base.

My prediction for the bottom three is Paige, Andrew, and Lee with Andrew singing us out.

Until tomorrow…