AI 8 – 1/29/09 – New York City (New Jersey) and San Juan or rather “West Side Story” Part 2

American Idol visited New York (really East Rutherford, New Jersey) and San Juan, Puerto Rico for the tale of two cities and there connector ends up being “West Side Story” what are we expecting the contestants from each city going on a rumble, please! Do not get me wrong, I love the musical but this is certainly a lame connection and it certainly does not have a happy ending. If some contestant attempts “Somewhere” tonight, I will blow a gasket.

I see the economy has not hurt the producers of American Idol when they can pay for all those limos and helicopter rides!

Adeola Adegoke (19) proudly announces she is compared to Mariah Carey and Mary Jo Blige. As if! She is so confident in her success she has given up her job to try out for American Idol – What the f&*k! Clearly, this is not going to be pleasant. Adeola decides on “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going”, is she nuts? Oh surprise she is bad with a capital B! In what deluded world does she live in? This was another finger down the chalkboard moment. Simon asks her if she has delivered her resignation letter and she answers yes, you need to retract it, the audition was shockingly bad. Does Adeola listen? No, she has to start talking back and trying to sing. When Paula says this is not your thing, you had better listen. Kara advises her to keep your day job. It is a no for Adeloa but it does not matter, she is “not giving up”! Oh my how sweet, Simon calls her boss and gets her job back. Good heavens what else is the boss going to say when he knows it will air on national TV. This was just pathetic!

Cue montage of San Juan, apparently we will be switching back and forth – oh joy!

Jorge Nunez (20) wants to rock America with his voice and then chooses “My Way”! Jorge sings in Spanish and I will give him credit for a good voice but it is not strong enough or pop enough to win. Paula asks whether he can sing in English and Jorge goes with “What a Wonderful World”. It was okay but I did not like it as much as the first number. Jorge’s accent is very strong and his enunciation of English was not good. Kara explains she felt more while he sang in Spanish but had an issue with his pronunciation of English. Simon pipes up with they came to Puerto Rico for Puerto Rican singers, so the accent is not an issue. Randy loved it, felt he was brilliant and Paula followed with he has the power of Mark Anthony. Jorge is going to Hollywood.

Jessika Baier (20) comes to Puerto Rico from Michigan financing the trip for her and 9 or 10 family members by money she won in a contest. What do these people think? The family could have rented a very nice van and drove to Kansas City and it would have cost less then it did for them to go to Puerto Rico. Jessika has been in contests since she was eight months old, apparently more than 700 contests and this is how she finances her life. She claims to have opened for Drake Bell and Corbin Bleu, she met Jessica Simpson in an airport, and I should care, why? Am I hearing right, she is going with a Celine Dion song, this is going to be bad. All I can say is she is very, very loud. Her voice was okay but there is no way she will ever win. Simon is not happy and Jessika gets very defensive which is the wrong tactic and make excuses about how nervous she is while she is jumping up and down. I just want the whole thing to be over. Thankfully, Jessika has to go back to Michigan without her golden ticket.

Our next montage is a clip of all the contestants who are told no golden ticket explaining to the audience how the judges are wrong. Get over it people!

We are switching back to New York and bald headed and bra less Melinda Camille (21) who is a very happy shiny person; I guess she should have auditioned in Salt Lake City. Melinda wants to help humanity with her voice by uplifting their spirits as she is dancing naked in her room. What? Yes, Melinda loves to dance naked and wants to join a nudist colony which is a fact Simon latches on to right away and asks her about it, she tells them about her dancing with Simon popping in with this must be part of the way you are going to uplift people. Kara asks if she wants to be naked right now and Melinda replies yes if everyone else were, LOL! Simon tells her to picture Randy naked as she sings. Melinda goes with “Feelin’ Good”. Melinda’s voice is fine but she has some issues because there were several times she lost the pitch but she has great enunciation. I do not think her voice is powerful enough to succeed. If her happy persona is real, she does not have the backbone to make it in the music business or handle the rigors of being a celebrity. Randy thinks she has a good voice but be careful because you fell off the melody, Kara indicates she is like a vitamin boost. Melinda is going to Hollywood.

Our next montage is Ryan dancing with some punk guy in the holding room and we needed this why?

Jackie Tohn (27) was hooked on music after her dad thought she should learn how to play the guitar and she is in nirvana writing songs and wanting to share her talents through American Idol. Jackie chooses “I’m Yours” and her voice is okay but she was barely on pitch and I was not too impressed. Simon asks her to sing another song. I am not sure if she sang one of her own songs because I did not recognize the second number but I liked the second audition better than the first but I still do not think her voice is strong enough for the competition. Paula indicates she is unpredictable, Randy likes her husky tone, and Kara wants to hear what she will do next and in the middle of the judge’s comments, the tinted covering over the window came crashing down. Jackie asks for some advice on what they want to hear from her and Simon explains an artist would never ask such a question they would know. Jackie is going to Hollywood.

Cue the next montage from San Juan which is of bad singers begging for another chance to the background theme of “Wicked Games” which then fades to people with lots of energy but no talent but this group is at least identified – Kate Cassidy, Carlos Santos, Antyon Smith and Jasmine Jones.

Joel Contreras from Puerto Rico is known as the crazy rocker and his introductory montage is awash with ridiculous antics none of which includes any type of real singing. Oh joy Joel enters the audition room with a giant cut out iPod and explains he is the human iPod or Guy Pod – give me a f&*kin break! Joel cannot sing and this audition is not worth my time. Simon stops him with I cannot listen to this, I hate the whole act, it is terrible but he allows him to try again and it is even worse. Joel pulls out a lion hand puppet and starts singing “Circle of Life” and Ronald is about to blow a blood vessel. Finally, the judges have had enough. I guess Joel was happy with his 15 minutes of fame because he runs out of the room screaming, “I got a no” and is quite happy about it. The next thing we see is Joel in a super hero outfit jumping into a pool! What?

Back in New York, we are presented with Nick Mitchell or rather “Norman Gentle”. Give this crap a rest; I am giving up watching Smallville for Nick! Norman had a barely okay voice when he started his audition but all his stupid faces and movements were making me ill. Simon stops him and wants him to sing with no gimmicks or funny faces. Norman goes with “Amazing Grace” and when he started, I really liked the beginning but then he could not just keep singing instead he had to bring out the funny faces. Simon stops him again and says you promised not to be funny. Norman replies you hurt me “where you get kicked sometimes”. Simon pops back with he thought he would like it and Norman retorts with “Like you like it when Seacrest does it?” I have to admit I did laugh out loud on that remark. I have no idea why but Nick/Norman is going to Hollywood. Spare me!

Cue new montage of contestants sent to Hollywood including Ashley Hollister, Kenny Hoffpauer, and Kendall Beard while “I’m So Excited” is playing in the background which than fades into a montage of really bad singers including Nicola Laraway, Mark Granata, and Michael Sconners.

Back in Puerto Rico Monique Garcia Torres (16), yet more time is spent on her 9-year-old brother Christopher, please using the cute kid card – shameless. Christopher gives Paula a shell, which broke, but I guess it is the thought, which counts. Simon converses with Christopher who he clearly likes and asks if his sister is good. Naturally, he says yes. Randy asks if she should be singing “You Can’t Hurry Love” and Christopher tells her to think carefully. Monique’s voice is sweet but she had pitch problems but it was not horrible. The judges allow her another song and she goes with “I turn to you” which I think was not as good as the first attempt. Simon tells her she should have chosen a song more in her range. Kara does not feel her voice is fully developed and indicates she needs to have the same confidence in herself as Christopher does. Randy and Kara say no, Paula says yes and Simon indicates it was a bit old-fashioned and cabaret but he is going to give her another shot at it. Monique and Christopher are going to Hollywood.

Please tell me not again but there she is Alexis Cohen who famously created a stir when she tried out in Philadelphia last season. The woman who could swear better than anyone I know and her favorite gesture is the bird. Good heavens is she meditating. We apparently have a kinder more pleasant Alexis practicing Buddhism – give me a break! Alexis attempts “Like a Prayer” and between the horrible notes and ridiculous movements, this was a total train wreck. Simon advises her it was fairly horrendous, you cannot sing, and it was worse than before. Kara agrees with Simon. Initially Alexis is restrained but she cannot hold it in and the crazy woman returns and she flips the bird and is bleeped out of the audition room. She tells Ryan she chocked but there have been thousands of people supporting her. Oh come on does she have that many voices in her head! Where is the straight jacket when you need one?

Our final audition of the evening originates from San Juan. Patricia Lewis Roman (20) is there with her family. Her parents were married and had their reception in the same building as the auditions and I should care why? Patricia goes with “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. What is wrong with these contestants? You do not try songs from big Divas. In the end, her voice was okay but not spectacular and she was having breathing issues. Simon does not think she is good enough and it was a very bad song choice. Patricia gets another chance and sings in Spanish and I will admit this time I could hear her voice and it has a very nice tone to it but it is not for American Idol. Paula says no. Randy says yes and Kara was on the fence. We never know how Kara and Simon vote but she had to have gotten another yes because she comes out with her Golden Ticket. Naturally, her family is extremely happy and they start partying.

The show ends with a big musical parade, which the judges join, and Ronald is just happy it is over.

In the end 26 contestants, get golden tickets in New York but only 9 from Puerto Rico. I really did not like any of the contestants they gave golden tickets to this evening.

We move to Hollywood next week with the 149 contestants who will be joining us. The judges will be giving the boot to 113 of them while America gets to kick out 24 over the three weeks of the semi-final rounds.

We are promised the most dramatic Hollywood week ever. I will believe it when I see it.

Until next week…